Verbally abusive relationship- The sings, how and when to get out!

Verbal abuse is usually considered a series of comments that make you feel inferior. It usually starts subtly. Let's say, for instance, that your partner doesn't like the amount of time you spend on a hobby you enjoy. S/he may start out by making the occasional nasty comment. Then, they may complain that it takes too much time, and money, that you have better things to be doing. Eventually, every time anything about your hobby comes up, you know there's going to be a fight, or at least a nasty comment. Most people who are in long term abusive relationships stop doing the hobby just so that the fights will stop. So, with verbally abusive reationship, someone can make their partner do just about anything.

So, why does verbal abuse happen? Why would someone want to treat someone they love like that, and why would anyone put up with it? Usually, it happens because someone feels inferior. The offending partner doesn't like themselves, and therefore thinks that eventually, their loved one will think that they can do better. So, they try to make their partner feel as though they can do no better. As though they can't think well enough for themselves. As though they'll never make it on their own.

The victim of verbally abusive reationship will, often enough be someone with low self esteem issues as well. So, when their partner starts to tell them that they are fat, lazy, bad with money, anything at all really, they believe they may have a point. Verbal abuse perpetrators are very good at knowing what their partner feels insecure about, and they are likely to prey on those feelings.

As stated earlier, verbal abuse doesn't leave any physical marks. Therefore, it can be very hard to know if someone is being verbally abused. There are a few telltale signs, though. The victim starts to subtly change their behavior. They are suddenly on a diet, or they start wearing different clothing. If questioned, they probably won't admit that their significant other said a word, but they might. Eventually, the victim may start seeing less and less of their friends and family.

If you think you yourself are in a verbally abusive reationship, there are similar things to look for. If your partner is overly critical of some aspect of your life. I would like to stress that just being concerned about something and coming to you with it is not abuse. In some cases, your significant other may simply be noticing a concerning behavior pattern. A lot of it comes down to how they handle the situation. If your partner purposely makes you feel bad with the things s/he is saying, they are going over the line.

If you are discouraged from spending time with your loved ones. If your significant other is often making the threat to leave you. And, most importantly, if you have told your partner that the things they are saying are hurtful, and they refuse to stop anyway. This is a huge one. If you feel like your feelings and opinions don't matter to the one you are with, then you are with the wrong person, and most definitely in a verbally abusive reationship.

The first reactions to verbal abuse in a verbally abusive reationship will be mild. You'll start to question your decision making. You start to doubt yourself, and listen to your partner more and more. These changes are often so subtle that you may not even notice what you're doing for some time.

Eventually, the victim has no will of their own. They do what their partner says, no matter what they are saying. The partner can do whatever they want.
One of the first things to do is seek psychiatric help. Many times, the victim won't have the strength to walk away on their own. This is caused by the abuse itself. The victim may feel that they really can't survive without their partner. They may believe that it's easier, better, to remain in the relationship than to leave.
It is also safer to leave if someone else is aware of the problem. And sometimes, it can just help to have someone tell you you're right. In fact, it can be the best weapon you have.

Many times, simply standing up for yourself and telling your partner that you've had enough will be the end of it. Most people who are in verbally abusive reationship are weak willed, and will not fight back if their victim stands up for themselves. However, in some cases, the abuser may very well lash out physically. If this is a concern, do everything that you can to avoid a one on one confrontation. Talk to the person over the phone, from a friends house. Have a friend go with you to collect your things. Under no circumstances should you give them the chance to physically hurt you.

The important thing to remember is that abuse is abuse, whether it's physical or mental. Either way it is inexcusable. If you feel that you are suffering from verbal abuse, seek a therapists' help as soon as possible. They will help you assess the situation, deal with it, and if necessary, leave the relationship as safely as possible.