Vinyl Siding

There was a M*A*S*H* rerun on the other night, in which Klinger was playing a traveling salesman. Among other things, he tried to sell the Colonel vinyl siding. He praised it to high heaven, including its durability when the Colonel threw it at him. The Colonel and my grandmother would get along well.

My grandmother used to tell us, when we were looking at houses, that we could tell it was a good one if it had hard wood floors, a clean bathroom, and "real outside walls," by which she meant no vinyl. Things have changed a lot since then. We recently built her a house, and while the floors are still solid oak and the bathroom is spotless, she requested--you guessed it--vinyl siding.

Today, vinyl siding is clean, reasonably priced, easily installed, and most important, durable. It is possible to get it with different thicknesses, colors, qualities, and looks. For example, one can find siding that looks like it has a wood grain, or no grain, or with a striated look. That is, one is one is four inches, the next, seven, and so on, the way a wood floor looks. It can also be made to have different heights, generally from about five inches to about eight. Moreover, trim pieces of vinyl for corners, windows, and doors are made to color match the siding itself. Most high-quality siding comes with a 20 year warranty, as well. It is even possible to get insulated vinyl siding, with styrofoam on the siding itself!

An alternative, if your grandmother just can't bring herself to use vinyl, is cement board siding. It is a cement-like material which has a 50 year warranty, generally comes in 3/8 inch thick by 8 inches wide pieces, should be painted, is available pre-painted, and is fireproof. It is more durable than vinyl siding, but costs more to purchase, more to install, and more to maintain. One other advantage that vinyl has, which cement board siding does not, is that it allows for expansion and contraction due to weather, provided that it has been applied loose-nailed.

Vinyl siding has come a long way since it was thrown at Klinger and disdained by my grandmother. It's inexpensive, easy to install, durable, and looks nice.