wannabe a writer?

As with most writers, Jane Wenham-Jones was a "failed" writer before she became a successful one and on her website she says:

"I wrote my first novel in 1998 - and sold it in August 2000. Nobody fought over me. Rather, they unplugged their phones, switched email addresses, took long sabbaticals on the other side of the world and instructed their assistants to tell me they'd died of a rare and sudden tropical disease."

"Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful"
Mark Twain
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Extract from Dorothy Koomson's website:

After a motley assortment of jobs and entrepreneurial endeavours Jane Wenham-Jones began writing in 1995 and has since had over a hundred short stories published in many women's magazines including My Weekly, Woman's Weekly, Bella, Best, Woman's Realm, Woman, The People's Friend, Take a Break, and Chat. Jane also writes a weekly column for her local newspaper - the Isle of Thanet Gazette - and gives talks and workshops on writing.

wanna be a writer? is divided into groups of chapters, under such headings as:

Now I've started; Useful things along the way; Occupational hazards (more about this later!) and Other things to consider.

Much of the book applies to anyone who wants to try their hand at writing, whether it be Magazine or E-zine articles, a novel or even a Squidoo lens. For example the chapters in "Now I've started" include: How to write when there's no time; What am I going to write about? Other ways to get ideas; To plan or not to plan, which outlines different methods of plot and character development.

But wait a minute! Isn't there a multitude of books that have been published that deal with "how to be a writer"?

(A bit like all those "Strip that fat, get fab abs, while you're Forex trading as you get your Ex back by making millions of dollars a week on Squidoo" type lenses!)

Yes, there IS a multitude of books on "how to get published", "how to write a best seller" and "novel writing for Dummies" and SOME of them are very good (see below for list) BUT I have never come across a book quite like wannabe a writer? before.

Where else will you find such great advice on how to avoid Writer's Bottom, how to mop up that glass of wine you have just knocked over the keyboard and the top diets for fat scribes? This includes essential advice on how to lose weight extra quick, when you realise you have put on two stone while you have been glued to the PC and nothing fits and you have a launch party in a week's time!

I notice Wenham-Jones does not include Losing Weight on a Wheat-free Diet in her dieting tips though - I must send her the link - which is a lot less drastic than her suggestion that you deliberately give yourself salmonella poisoning.

Backup your work!
We all know we should do it, but do we do it? What is the point of backing up onto a disk that you then keep next to your computer. That's no help whatsoever if there is a fire! Wenham-Jones tells us that the writer Sophie King describes herself as paranoid about backing up all her work onto disk and then posting them to her children at University or to her Agent so that if the worst happens, she always has a copy of her work that can be retrieved.

And here's an AJ Tip:
When your computer is slowing up because of all the rubbish that accumulates on it as you surf the net because you are researching/bored/got writer's block, then clean up your PC and free up some space using CCleaner.

Occupational hazards
I completely agree with Wenham-Jones' theory that "it is a scientific fact that the volume of liquid left in a receptacle is not in direct proportion to the amount that will spread all over your desk, soak every bit of paper in a five-metre radius and drip into anything electrical."

Tell me about it!

It may only look like half an inch of red wine left in that glass but it's like a gallon when you knock it over. Oh, and although you may be able to save your keyboard if you spill wine, or in my case the rare occasion water, onto it - the trick is to turn the keyboard upside down IMMEDIATELY and run for the hair dryer. But if it is coke, (the liquid variety, NOT the powder) then you have no chance. That fizzing noise you hear is not the bubbles, it is the circuit board corroding!

Another Occupational Hazard that Wenham-Jones does not mention is "typers' elbow".

Typers' elbow happens as the result of sitting slumped at your desk and always afflicts the elbow on the arm that you do not use for writing or mouse movements. Uh?

OK - if you are right handed, you navigate around documents and surf the web with your mouse in your right hand. What do you do with your left hand as you are reading on the screen? Well, if you are anything like me then you lean on your elbow, with your chin resting on your hand. Result - thick, dry skin on the elbow - and there you have it: "typer's elbow".

Rodin's Thinker
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Hmmm...methinks The Thinker and AJ have a lot in common. I wonder if he suffered from "typer's elbow"? One thing though, I do tend to be clothed when I do my writing!

1. A space of your own
George Bernard Shaw had a shed at the bottom of his garden. It had a revolving base so the door could face the sun. I've been to "Shaw's Corner" - it must have been a great place to write. Not sure how he kept warm in the winter though!

I'm lucky. Like Shaw and Wenham-Jones I have my own space. Our smallest bedroom is MY office, which I reluctantly share with my children when they need to use a computer or my husband when he is working from home - oh no, not mine, the old one. It's a bit slow, but hey, we didn't even have a typewriter when I were a lass!

Currently though, I have my avaricious eye on the "playroom", which is twice the size of my current "office". The girls are growing up and don't use it for Polly Pocket or other games anymore - actually Sparky NEVER used it for Polly Pocket, she was more of the Castles and Dragons type.

The "playroom" does have a TV that they use for the Xbox, but I am currently working on my hubby to move everything around. Although like the "office", the "playroom" is at the front of the house (and west facing so the sun doesn't shine in the window until mid-afternoon), it is downstairs, where's there's double doors leading into the lounge, which has patio doors leading into the garden and in the summer it would be a lot nicer because I could have all the doors open and not feel so shut away. . . . and besides, you don't need a huuuuuge room for an Xbox or to watch TV do you? Just a TV stand and a comfy sofa - both would fit in the old "office" . . . . and as the children's sofa is a sofa-bed, then it would give us a spare bedroom and no one would have to doss in the playroom, when ALL my (four) children plus partners are home! Case made!

Update: October 2009
I got my way! I am now settled into the downstairs office. It's taken Hubby two months to get around to fixing the internet cable out of the way - but hey ho!

The downside is though that there's not so much running up and down the stairs to work off the calories from my daily chocolate bar.......

But whatever space you have, it's important that you are comfortable and it is how you want it to be and everyone in the household accepts that it is YOUR space.

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2. A fridge
Alright, I don't have a fridge in my office (yet!) but I can dream can't I? Jane Wenham-Jones DOES have a fridge in her office though and I am jealous. She keeps essentials in it like: champagne, white wine, water to flush out the toxins, chocolate, apples just so she can kid herself she does not eat chocolate all the time and nail varnish. Nail varnish?

3. AJ's tip about essential equipment: Journals or notebooks
Always carry pen and paper around with you so that you can quickly jot down ideas, wherever you are. I have small notebooks in my bedside cabinet and handbag (purse in the USA). I have my "quote book", where I keep . . . well, quotes! I have my "lens ideas" notebook (which has the club logo of Manchester United, my fav footie team, on the front, a gift from my Hubby) and I have my "to do" book. I am so well organised!

I lie, I still have scraps of paper with notes on them all over my desk as well . . .

I also have a dictionary, as although I am a good speller, I get stuck sometimes. It also comes in very handy when I log onto Twitter and see that there's a game of #wordola going on!

There's lots of other equipment that is also recommended, but you should read the book for yourself!

Wenham-Jones says: Ban the children
Well I can't do that as Sparky's homework is project-based most of the time so she needs to research on the PC, but the girls do know that the office is MY territory so they follow MY rules. It generally works, but I get really cross when pencil sharpeners, erasers etc get borrowed and they don't bring them back. At the moment I am missing a pair of scissors and when I find out which of the little blighters has made a blasted chain out of a load of papers clips . . . .

AJ says: Password protect EVERYTHING!
Set up different user accounts on your PC if you are daft enough (and sometimes I am!) to let anyone else use it. Don't let ANYONE onto your account and make sure only you and someone you trust implicitly have admin rights on the PC.

DO NOT allow anyone else to download anything - or before you know it, your PC will have more viruses than the bubonic plague. Even if the PC is virus protected, it won't necessarily protect the PC if the dear little angel keeps clicking the YES option, when all those "are you sure messages" keep popping up! As my friend found out to her cost last week when her little horror, oops I mean little darling, downloaded something off the net.

In my case my other trusted person is my hubby who is not remotely interested in my writing and has not even looked at my three Lenses of The Day - actually it is two lenses APD and Twelve Days of Christmas, but one got it twice. I do get cross with him when he leaves the latest update from i-tunes installing though - it takes forever.

Establish the ground-rule that writing is just as important as Golf or Going Shopping for Shoes

Drum this into the kids, too. Remember that being bored is character-forming. Let them get a feel for it.

1. Always write first - leave everything else, including the house work until it's written (great idea!)

2. Set yourself targets - decide the number of words you are going to write and don't move until you have written them

3. Leave the answer machine on (see 7 below)

4. Do not check for emails (see 7 below)

5. Tie your leg to the desk

AJ's additional tips:

6. Stay out of forums (or is that fora?)

7. Establish ownership of your time

It's amazing how many people think they can steal your time when you "work from home". If you were "at the office", they would not just drop by without warning, your Mother would not be phoning you at 10am because she wanted to talk to you about getting a puppy and your eldest daughter would not be phoning you because she is bored standing outside her office all on her own having a ciggy!

Yep, this sort of thing happens to me all the time! And the trouble is Eldest Daughter knows I hate her smoking and it never ceases to amaze me that although I can't see her I can HEAR her puffing away!!!!

8. Don't worry about the children getting hungry - you are doing them a favour - no obese children in THIS household!

Oo, there's an email just coming in. Must just go and check.

Wenham-Jones explores writing as a therapy, which can be good for many of us (see my page Bullying at Primary School for my therapeutic writing) but at the same time she rightly points out that we need to be careful. The Laws of Libel are very clear on what you can and cannot do with the written word, so if your "therapy" is actually about taking revenge then you need to be very, very careful.

She does say however:

"If your neighbour really does take crack cocaine and eat small children - then you're OK (as long as you can prove it)."

Among all the joking and hilarity, Jane Wenham-Jones really does tell it as it is. It's one thing to write, but another thing to get published AND paid for your work. She gives great insider information about the writing and publishing world and tells you everything you ever wanted to know and, as the blurb on the back of the book says, probably things you wish you did not know.

There's advice not only about how to write but how to find the right agent, who will hopefully find the right publisher for you but she also tells you how to handle rejection letters and writes about "Ten top things to do when you get a rejection". And yes chocolate and alcohol are featured at Number 1 and 2!

What the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve
Perseverance: Cliffhanger
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Wenham-Jones also discusses the "Grim reality of sales", how to keep faith and keep your chin up. But she also reminds us how many time J R R Tolkien and J K Rowling were turned down before their first novels were published.

So head over to Amazon - wannabe a writer? is probably the best £9.99 my son has ever spent - he gave me the book for Christmas!