WATTLE WORLD

The "wattle" is a fleshy fold of skin hanging from the neck or throat. Not usually seen as an endearing piece of human anatomy, it is however quite common among animals such as the bodacious bird family be it the pelican, wattle bird, common rooster or a Thanksgiving turkey!

In the popular TV comedy, "Ally McBeal", reference is made to a word rarely heard in the English language but one which took on a life of its own in this enigmatic yet entertaining weekly show.

It seems that an odd character by the name of Richard Fish, (a partner in the legal firm of Cage/Fish & Associates), had a fetish for the "wattle". He particularly enjoyed fiddling with rather fetching fragrant female flaps of skin beneath the necks of mature mavens.

For those who are just not into "wattles", take heart for there is always the next best thing to lay one's eyes upon...the dashing or delightful dangling double chin!

Moral to this tale -- If God gave it to you...why not flaunt it for all it's worth!

Good Lord, just when you think you've heard all you want to know about "wattles" there's more!

Well, the short answer is that wattles are a rather obscure topic, so why not expand on something that rarely sees the light of day!

Besides being the fleshy flap beneath the beak, neck, or throat, the "wattle" can also be found in Eastern Europe as a decorative pattern found in Croation art. It is also a building technique known as "wattle-and-daub" using woven wooden supports packed with clay or mud.

The "wattle" is found in such far-flung places as Africa and Australia among a wide variety of feathered creatures and plants not to mention a humble caterpillar (the "Wattle Bagworm", native to South Africa).

"Wattle Day" is celebrated in Australia as the first day of spring. This is probably not surprising given the wonderful world of wattles around them, (from the colorful red and yellow varies of Acacia plant to the the Wattle Bird itself).

Since "birds of a feather" tend to stick together, it might be more appropriate to pay homage to the "wattle" on Thanksgiving or Christmas Day during that ripsnorting ritual of devouring that 30 lb. stuffed and roasted bird with all the trimmings in one sitting.

For those who are not one with nature nor wish to consume any baked or barbecued animal carcasses, the best thing might be to follow Mr. Fish's example. Try feasting your eyes upon a wattle or two...be they the double chins of posh people like Winston Churchill (former British Prime Minister), John Diefenbaker (ex Canadian Prime Minister) and John Candy (deceased Canadian comedian), or the dangling delights of pleasingly plump ladies. Do be careful lest your oggling draw unwarranted attention from the "Wattle Watchdog", (a newly formed government agency that protects the rights of weeping wenches with wattles).

Perhaps in your neck of the woods, they've never heard of a "wattle"? In fact, in some parts of the planet, perhaps a "wattle" isn't a "wattle" at all! Maybe it's a "choller", a rather fine word meaning a double-chin or the hanging lip of a hound dog!

If in doubt, just celebrate the first day of Spring wherever you are with a spot of tea as it should be, and don't forget to wiggle your wattle for all you're worth!

H.R.H. Victoria Elizabeth, Quipping Queen & Empress of Eccentricity