Having the right tool right there when you need it is priceless. Remember the last time you had something stuck between your teeth and couldn't seem to unjam it? Where was the right tool then? Toolpick? The corner of the closest piece of paper? Floss? Fingernail? (okay - don't answer that last one... it grosses me out when I see someone who has trimmed all but one fingernail... WHAT is that last one for???). Yah yah yah, 20/20 "hindsight" often makes the solution to any problem seem blissfully simple - or brilliant. But most of us don't have the energy or interest in carrying around a trunkload of tools - or even something as small as a pack of dental floss. Yes, it is simple. Brilliant. And effective. But who needs every tool with them all the time?

The same is true for conflict management tools. The best ones are simple, effective - and brilliant... but we often don't carry 'em around. We forget them as soon as we got out of the last snafu we were in. We do get wiser as we get older... but it is often too late.

What I suggest is that you think of this site as your link to the conflict coach... someone who does this for a living, and who is really, really, happy to share what they know about the simple tools, tips, trick and tools.

Resolving problems often requires only a few simple tools. Why? Because everything we do is based upon the human nature of us as people. Humans share interests, values, and core needs.

No matter how miserable or stuck we are, managing conflict better is possible. When you need a hammer... a shoe might do - but it can be so nice to find a hammer close at hand. This lens is an effort to put some great tools in one place.

When I first researching conflict resolution and management, I was surprised how the simplest things were the most powerful. There are "power" tools - and they are so easy! Harvard management "guru" Rosabeth Moss Kanter wrote (and I agree with her) that three power tools are:

1. information
2. resources
3. support

Think about it... you're in misery over some issue. Isn't one of thes above what you really want? If, as she says, information is a power tool, and this is the "information age" then we all have access to a lot of power - yay for the WWW and Squidoo! With the information you get here, you can find resources and support for all kinds of the most common kinds of conflicts.

Remember, when you do find the right "key" tool, it can be amazing how simple it is. In digging around in the toolbox, keep that in mind. Take the time to reflect on the simplest - most powerful - keys... those ones that you say "ah THAT can't be it". Those one are often the ones we forget... but whoa, they do work to unlock conflicted situations and transform how people approach life and work. An example of this is one of those (roll your eyes now) Dr. Phil lines. He says, "do you want to be right... or do you want to be happy?". With that simple tool, at the right time, he transforms in 13 words how people see their way out of what once was a chronic issue.

Usually, you'll find that the "WOW!" solutions are so breathtakingly simple you'll have typically ignored them. They can be simple reminders, questions - or cues - about what is important.

I hope you find this a toolbox to poke around in until you find the tool to try. If it doesn't work, try another. If you come up with something new... let me know when you get that satisfying "Aha!" and it works.

Joan - icoach