What does not destroy me, makes me stronger

On this lens, I will be using my experiences in life to, hopefully, help others to use their own negative life experiences to their advantage.

I will deal with the consequences of those negative life experiences in the form of the patterns of behaviour left behind.

Some of the life experiences I've listed here will cross over to other sections e.g. Bullying can affect someone both psychologically and physically but will only be listed in the one module/section.

After all, what does not destroy you, makes you stronger.

Friedrich Nietzsche was born on October 15, 1844 and died on August 25, 1900.

He was a German philosopher and classical philologist.

In his life time he wrote many texts on various subjects including religion, philosophy and morality.

He attracted much commentary towards his work in existentialism and postmodernism.

His key ideas included the interpretation of tragedy as an affirmation of life, an eternal recurrence, a rejection of Platonism, and a repudiation of both Christianity and egalitarianism.

Read more about Friedrich Nietzsche

Other Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes: Some you may recognise :)

Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.
When you stare into the abyss the abyss stares back at you.
It is nobler to declare oneself wrong than to insist on being right - especially when one is right.

I suffered at the hands of my ex-husband for 10 years. It took me that long to gain the courage to get out of the relationship. However, I don't feel that I had such a bad experience compared to some.

There were ways in which I learnt to deal with this abuse towards me e.g. to stop the physical abuse I fought back. This method is not usually recommended and you can probably guess why. However, in my case, the abuse moved from Physical to Emotional and Verbal abuse.

I had the usual problems that most victims suffered with which included humiliation, physical abuse, name calling, attempted rape, forced pregnancies, no support - financially or emotionally, obsessive behaviour, possessiveness, jealousy.

The only support I received was from my sister at the time, but mainly I was on my own. The last straw for me was when he hit me around the head whilst I held my youngest child and my eldest looked on.

At the time, you feel you are alone. You feel that no one would believe you and you feel that you must be to blame. Those who believe that you should and could leave your partner are wrong. It has to come from you. You need to feel comfortable in that decision. Fear is a strong and powerful emotion and no one has the right to make you feel that you are wrong to stay.

Yes, they can advise you but if you don't feel in a position to take that advice then don't blame yourself for it.

Even now the experience of abuse can affect me. I 'see' the signs of impending violence in my own intimate relationships. It doesn't scare me but it does make me on guard. It is hard to explain to others just how that makes me feel even though I know deep down that the situation is not the same. Not all anger outbursts ends in physical violence.

During the abuse:
Recognise that it is happening to you.
Talk to someone who you feel you can trust about the abuse. (To begin with you are looking for support not advice. Advice will become useful in time when you feel you are ready to act upon it.)
Try not to feel that you are alone. You aren't.
Accept that you are not to blame.
Report the abuse to the police.
If you are a child, report the abuse to someone in authority i.e. a teacher, your GP.
Call the Freephone 24 Hour National Domestic Violence Helpline

Useful Links:
Refuge
Signs of Abuse and Abusive Relationships

Definition: 1: to treat abusively 2: to affect by means of force or coercion.

Bullying can take place anywhere; in school, at home and in the workplace. My experiences of bullying took place the minute I stepped onto the school bus, throughout the school day and the minute I stepped off the school bus. It occurred throughout my childhood or my school years. No help was forthcoming from school, friends (they did a majority of the bullying) or at home. Bullying was a problem I had to learn to deal with.

I exhibited most of the usual patterns of behaviour that bullying victims display: I feigned illness on school days (sometimes it worked; sometimes it didn't), I became withdrawn, I had poor grades and I stole. Unfortunately this behaviour was ignored.

As a child there doesn't seem to be very many things you feel can help you. Your emotional resources are limited and you have very little experience of life to draw upon to help you.

As an adult, bullying can stay with you if for some reason you did not find the help you needed. This, I know, is easier said than done. Bullies are cowards. They bully because they feel inadequate themselves and do so to make themselves feel and look good. It says more about them than it does about you. They bully you because they see you as a threat or they are jealous of what you are or what you possess or that you are different from everybody else.

You need to be able to talk to someone whether it's a member of your family, a peer, a teacher, a family friend or someone who is outside of the family like a therapist. Talk to someone you feel you can trust. Do not feel that you are alone in this. There are so many things that can be done to help you.

To be different, is a good thing. It makes you stand out from everyone else. It can be used as a positive thing.

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This encompasses many different types of depression including Post-natal, Bi-Polar, Clinical and SAD. There are many famous, intelligent people who suffer from Depression. It can be used positively by using it as a source for writing or any form of creativeness. All of my poems have been written whilst Depressed and in the grip of strong emotions.

My experiences of Depression stem from Childhood and as a child I was Depressed. My diagnosis didn't come until I was 18, however.

I have been diagnosed with two types of Depression:
1 - Clinical Depression or Major Depressive Disorder: depression of sufficient severity to be brought to the attention of a physician and to require treatment.
2 - Low Serotonin Levels - Imbalances in serotonin levels trigger depression. Doctors often treat patients with serotonin reuptake inhibitors (eg Prozac) because these medications can help to regulate serotonin levels. I can only be treated with drugs for the one type of Depression so I chose this one as it's the most debilitating of the two, which you may find surprising :)

Write down everything you feel or experience. Buy a journal and lock it away when not in use. Use it to vent your emotions on absolutely everything!

Write a story, novel, poem, article on the subject that is causing you difficulties. Use your experiences to write it but don't reveal any personal details.

Here are a few other things to help you with your Depression:

Talk about your feelings - To your partner, family, friends or a counselor.
Keep active - Exercise helps to boost endorphins which in turn helps to lift mood.
Eat healthily - But don't beat yourself up if you eat something naughty. Also try not to use food to lift your mood when you're feeling low.
Don't drink too much alcohol - Alcohol is a depressant so drinking too much will aggravate your depression.
Take a break - Have a holiday, take a rest from your work.
Don't be afraid to ask for help - If you feel that you are in trouble, ask for help from your GP or someone close to you. Don't suffer alone.
Accept who you are - Learn to love yourself.
Take care of other people - Taking the focus off yourself, makes you feel good about yourself.

I've placed this separate to Anxiety even though they are linked (Panic attacks are a severe form of Anxiety.) Panic Attacks, though, can be frightening for the sufferer and harder to treat. I tend to suffer from these if I encounter a similar or identical situation to one or more I've had in the past which has caused me distress. Obviously, it's virtually impossible to avoid these situations so either you allow the Anxiety to take control or you try and seek help for the problem.


How to cope with Anxiety:

Try to relax. Relaxation techniques can be learnt from a clinical psychologist. You can get a referral from your GP.
When you feel an attack coming on, picture the word, "SLOW". Breathe in and out according to this word.
Beta-blockers have been known to help with Anxiety. Your GP can help here.

Counselling also works very well here as it's likely you will be able to talk through the problem that causes the anxiety in the first place. Mood stabilisers can also help.