What does not destroy me, makes me stronger

On this lens, I will be using my experiences in life to, hopefully, help others to use their own negative life experiences to their advantage.

I will deal with the consequences of those negative life experiences in the form of the patterns of behaviour left behind.

Some of the life experiences I've listed here will cross over to other sections e.g. Bullying can affect someone both psychologically and physically but will only be listed in the one module/section.

After all, what does not destroy you, makes you stronger.



Learning experience!

Friedrich Nietzsche was born on October 15, 1844 and died on August 25, 1900.

He was a German philosopher and classical philologist.

In his life time he wrote many texts on various subjects including religion, philosophy and morality.

He attracted much commentary towards his work in existentialism and postmodernism.

His key ideas included the interpretation of tragedy as an affirmation of life, an eternal recurrence, a rejection of Platonism, and a repudiation of both Christianity and egalitarianism.

Read more about Friedrich Nietzsche

Other Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes:

Some you may recognise :)

Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.

When you stare into the abyss the abyss stares back at you.

It is nobler to declare oneself wrong than to insist on being right - especially when one is right.

I suffered at the hands of my ex-husband for 10 years. It took me that long to gain the courage to get out of the relationship. However, I don't feel that I had such a bad experience compared to some.

There were ways in which I learnt to deal with this abuse towards me e.g. to stop the physical abuse I fought back. This method is not usually recommended and you can probably guess why. However, in my case, the abuse moved from Physical to Emotional and Verbal abuse. Not necessarily a good thing, but it was a winning point to me ;)

I had the usual problems that most victims suffered with which included humiliation, physical abuse, name calling, attempted rape, forced pregnancies, no support - financially or emotionally, obsessive behaviour, possessiveness, jealousy.

The only support I received was from my sister at the time, but mainly I was on my own. The last straw for me was when he hit me around the head whilst I held my youngest child and my eldest looked on.

Enough time has passed since my difficulty with an abusive partner, so now I can reflect on the experiences it has left me with.

At the time, you feel you are alone. You feel that no one would believe you and you feel that you must be to blame. Those who believe that you should and could leave your partner are wrong. It has to come from you. You need to feel comfortable in that decision. Fear is a strong and powerful emotion and no one has the right to make you feel that you are wrong to stay.

Yes, they can advise you but if you don't feel in a position to take that advice then don't blame yourself for it.

I left at that time because it was right for me. To me, he had overstepped the mark. To beat me was a cowardly act in itself but I could take care of myself. But, the minute his actions started to include my children...well, you can probably imagine how I felt.

Even now the experience of abuse can affect me. I 'see' the signs of impending violence in my own intimate relationships. It doesn't scare me but it does make me on guard. It is hard to explain to others just how that makes me feel even though I know deep down that the situation is not the same. Not all anger outbursts ends in physical violence.

During the abuse:

Recognise that it is happening to you.
Talk to someone who you feel you can trust about the abuse. (To begin with you are looking for support not advice. Advice will become useful in time when you feel you are ready to act upon it.)
Try not to feel that you are alone. You aren't.
Accept that you are not to blame.
Report the abuse to the police.
If you are a child, report the abuse to someone in authority i.e. a teacher, your GP.
Call the Freephone 24 Hour National Domestic Violence Helpline

Useful Links:
Refuge
Signs of Abuse and Abusive Relationships

Teasing is often seen as a good thing but sometimes it can get out of hand at the detriment of someone else's feelings. As an HSP I could see no positive in this behaviour and I still can't. I believe I had one of the worst kinds and it has made me intolerant to all types of teasing apart from the naughty kind ;)

At its worst it can cause Anger and Panic Attacks in me. I find it hard to understand how someone, who professes to love you can find any pleasure in causing you pain for whatever reason. The teasing I received was from a close, male member of the family who had inappropriate sexual feelings for me. He used certain parts of my anatomy to make sexual remarks and to make me feel small. In Adulthood, I still have a problem with teasing and cannot tolerate it in any form. Some of my partners and lovers have directed teasing at me with less than positive results.

Continual attacks on someone's self esteem can have devastating consequences. It can lead to depression, self harming, alcohol or drug abuse and/or suicide. Yes, I've had repeated attacks on my self-esteem and confidence and I've battled with the consequences of self harming and suicidal thoughts along with it.

Unfortunately, most of my experiences of this have come from within the family. I now perceive myself as being useless, thick, ignorant and other things besides. I have a very poor view of myself and my abilities and if I receive further personal attacks I suffer from distress, anxiety, self harm and depression. I've also been known to completely remove all websites I have created off the internet that have taken me years to build up. Excessive? Oh yes! It's not an easy thing to deal with but I'm learning to take control of it.

Most of the time I avoid stressful or controversial situations where the likelihood of my opinions or views being ridiculed or questioned are high. These include community boards and forums where I've experienced less than helpful views on some mental conditions of mine. This is why you very rarely see me in the Squidu Forums but, I do stress that these boards are in the minority; they are the best I've ever experienced on the Internet to date. So, if I'm not there a lot it's because I'm battling my own demons and not because of its users :)

Think seriously about how important the person is to you who is causing you pain.
Are they worth worrying about?
Why are you so hurt by what they do/say?

When you've worked out why what they say or do matters to you, then you need to sit down and figure out what you should do about it.

Possible Solutions include:
1 - Ignore them/it
2 - Talk to them about what they've said or done in a calm, rational manner. Explain to them how much they have hurt you by what they have said or done.
3 - Show anger at them for the attack.

To be quite honest, if they're not important to you in any shape of form, then ignoring them is by far the best solution. You need to question your reasons for being so bothered about the situation:

Are you seeking approval?
Do you like them in all honesty?
Or are you wanting to be liked by them purely for what they may represent?

Only then can you move on from the problem.

Definition: 1: to treat abusively 2: to affect by means of force or coercion.

Bullying can take place anywhere; in school, at home and in the workplace. My experiences of bullying took place the minute I stepped onto the school bus, throughout the school day and the minute I stepped off the school bus. It occurred throughout my childhood or my school years. No help was forthcoming from school, friends (they did a majority of the bullying) or at home. Bullying was a problem I had to learn to deal with and not necessarily in the right way.

I exhibited most of the usual patterns of behaviour that bullying victims display: I feigned illness on school days (sometimes it worked; sometimes it didn't), I became withdrawn (if I could get any more withdrawn!), I had poorer grades and I stole (as a cry for help.) Unfortunately, for me, this behaviour was either ignored or just not picked up upon.

As a child there doesn't seem to be very many things you feel can help you. Your emotional resources are limited and you have very little experience of life to draw upon to help you.

As an adult, bullying can stay with you if for some reason you did not find the help you needed. This, I know, is easier said than done. Bullies are cowards. They bully because they feel inadequate themselves and do so to make themselves feel and look good. It says more about them than it does about you. They bully you because they see you as a threat or they are jealous of what you are or what you possess or that you are different from everybody else.

You need to be able to talk to someone whether it's a member of your family, a peer, a teacher, a family friend or someone who is outside of the family like a therapist. Talk to someone you feel you can trust. Do not feel that you are alone in this. There are so many things that can be done to help you.

To be different, is a good thing. It makes you stand out from everyone else. It can be used as a positive thing.

Through painful experiences, I've learnt over time to suppress these memories in an attempt to avoid additional pain or distress. I cannot say that this was a good way of dealing with difficult situations as they're now all bottled up inside of me waiting to explode out. They are also contributing to the depression and anxiety that I have.

The only way I can now release these memories is by talking about them and the situations that trigger them off.

Continual ridicule and attack whenever I expressed an emotion or an opinion as a child has now led to this really frustrating problem of not being able to express my view verbally. If asked for my opinion about something, anything, my response is usually in the form of, "It's okay" or I just shrug my shoulders. I avoid situations that need my opinions basically because I'm not able to express them and I do not have the faith or confidence in what views I do have to express them.

Learn to express your emotions, views or opinions to someone you trust; someone you know will never ridicule you or put you down.

This encompasses many different types of depression including Post-natal, Bi-Polar, Clinical and SAD. There are many famous, intelligent people who suffer from Depression. It can be used positively by using it as a source for writing or any form of creativeness. All of my poems have been written whilst Depressed and in the grip of strong emotions.

My experiences of Depression stem from Childhood and I can quite easily say that as a child I was Depressed. My diagnosis didn't come until I was 18, however; a little too late, maybe?

I have been diagnosed with two types of Depression:
1 - Clinical Depression or Major Depressive Disorder: depression of sufficient severity to be brought to the attention of a physician and to require treatment.
2 - Low Serotonin Levels - Imbalances in serotonin levels trigger depression. Doctors often treat patients with serotonin reuptake inhibitors (eg Prozac) because these medications can help to regulate serotonin levels. I can only be treated with drugs for the one type of Depression so I chose this one as it's the most debilitating of the two, which you may find surprising :)

Write down everything you feel or experience. Buy a journal and lock it away when not in use. Use it to vent your emotions on absolutely everything!

Write a story, novel, poem, article on the subject that is causing you difficulties. Use your experiences to write it but don't reveal any personal details.

Here are a few other things to help you with your Depression:

Talk about your feelings - To your partner, family, friends or a counselor.
Keep active - Exercise helps to boost endorphins which in turn helps to lift mood.
Eat healthily - But don't beat yourself up if you eat something naughty. Also try not to use food to lift your mood when you're feeling low.
Don't drink too much alcohol - Alcohol is a depressant so drinking too much will aggravate your depression.
Take a break - Have a holiday, take a rest from your work.
Don't be afraid to ask for help - If you feel that you are in trouble, ask for help from your GP or someone close to you. Don't suffer alone.
Accept who you are - Learn to love yourself.
Take care of other people - Taking the focus off yourself, makes you feel good about yourself.

I've placed this separate to Anxiety even though they are linked (Panic attacks are a severe form of Anxiety.) Panic Attacks, though, can be frightening for the sufferer and harder to treat. I tend to suffer from these if I encounter a similar or identical situation to one or more I've had in the past which has caused me distress. Obviously, it's virtually impossible to avoid these situations so either you allow the Anxiety to take control or you try and seek help for the problem.

Counseling works very well here as it's likely you will be able to talk through the problem that causes the anxiety in the first place. Mood stabilisers can also help.