What Do Men Want?
What makes men tick? Why won't they open up? Weren't they all supposed to have gotten in touch with their feelings in the 1970s? What went wrong? Nothing went wrong. Men, by nature, respond differently from women, and a lot of misunderstanding could be avoided if women comprehended how men express themselves.
I am always asked "what do men want?" Women often tell me that men confuse them and that they are unsure what a man is really looking for. They have tried to please them in the past and it hasn't worked so now, the man can concentrate on pleasing them or leave. If the media is to be believed, many women don't care what a man is looking for anymore because they have been empowered by their own sexuality and are comfortable in their new role as sexually liberated career woman in charge of their own destiny. In which case, as long as the man wants them, that is fine.
It doesn't matter whether that view is actually true or not. What is true is that the modern man is increasingly struggling to find his place in the world. The Armed Forces and Space programs quite rightly have very highly qualified career women working in their departments and in most aspects of industry, women are excelling. The old male bastions are crumbling and with them their innate self respect as well as their understanding of how they should act and what they desire.
Any woman reading this may say well it's a problem for men and they should deal with it. Absolutely I can reply, but you cannot expect miracles instantly. Generations of history dictating a man's role and function cannot be decided and altered in the space of 20 years without some fallout. Few can argue against the excitement felt by women as their empowerment continues but at the same time, one must expect issues to coincide with this. And one of those as I said is the question of understanding what the modern man is looking for.
Men have started to evolve and are starting to grasp the fact that their role may not be as it once was. 'Starting' is the operative word because this does not mean that there aren't large swathes of the world where men insist on being the breadwinner and women should still remain at home rearing children. It is going to take a long time to change the world. However in our western cities a change is in full swing. Men know that to find a mate they are going to have to work harder than ever before and they are aware that women call the shots far more than ever before. But this doesn't essentially change what a man is looking for.
Okay so what does a man want?
First of all a man is seeking a love-interest. This may surprise many women but men like to love and they like being loved in return. The problem is that many women come across as impassioned and cold. It is not easy to find a loving woman and it is very noticeable how many men try and hang on when they think they have found their Miss Right.
Men are seeking a woman who is attractive to them. Women may despair that men can be so shallow and that looks could matter so much but be careful. Men aren't necessarily looking for a catwalk model and many men don't like women who weigh 80lbs. But men do want a woman who takes pride in their appearance (though not excessively). Men are proud of having a girlfriend who looks good and I don't believe any man who says otherwise.
Men are looking for a trustworthy girl, someone they can have faith in and someone who will be there for them. This may sound like an odd thing to say, but the fact is, some women are not trustworthy and many are not faithful either. So many in fact that men are increasingly wary. That kiss at a Christmas party may not count, or the flirtatious behavior with the gorgeous barman and in fact its all great fun and part of a woman's character. But reverse the situation and as a woman, you hate him doing the same. A man can never forgive a woman being unfaithful and so he is looking for someone who he really does trust.
Men want to make a home eventually and are looking for a woman who will be a willing sharer in home life. Women with a sociable lifestyle are attractive because they can be relied upon to keep the social diary running in a long term relationship.
Men are seeking women who are feminine gentle and kind because deep down the qualities that make a woman a great mother are an attraction in themselves. I am not suggesting that the man himself needs mothering, though some do, it is more the point that men seek the attributes in women that point to someone who would make a great mother to future offspring.
Men want women with a great sense of humor. Women often come across as uptight or too bothered by too many small details. You will sometimes hear mention of a girl who is 'one of the boys'. What this means is that she is able to fit in with their humor and is sociable and fun to be with. Such women are extremely attractive to many men. Men want to have a good time and relax when not working and so their ideal partners are women who are able to do the same.
Men are looking for women who retain their femininity and and are caring and kind. In recent years, aping men may be a female fashion statement, but it doesn't make them attractive. Whilst every woman in the world burps and farts and has the right to drink pints of beer, it doesn't necessarily attract them to the opposite sex. Women can get angry and say well men will just have to get used to it, but the issue is that they don't. They can just choose not to go for women who act in the same way as their drinking buddies.
Men want someone who is supportive. Many women are quick to criticize men in their behavior, career and set about trying to alter them and mould them. This is a crucial mistake. Men can be manipulated yes, but they see their partnerships as support systems. The best relationships work both ways in terms of support. Where a woman is not able or willing to give that support and is too quick to criticize then she may lose her man.
Men don't like angry women who shout. They want a woman who can debate and converse and is able to discuss. Communication is king. A fiery passionate temperament may have made you interesting and challenging on day one. But by day 500 it holds no glory whatsoever.
Men love a challenging woman, someone who keeps them on their toes. Men are generally lazy in relationships once they feel they're in secure territory. When a man is challenged so he does something about it. If you want to keep your man interested, keep him challenged.
Men are generally more reserved about sex than women. This is my experience is a fact. Men know what they like in bed and tend to stick to it. The adventurous sexual appetite in most men isn't there even if they are convinced it is. Men in reality are quite conservative. Sexually adventurous has nothing to do with having lots of partners and more to do with the things they will try with the same partner. In most test cases I have conducted, it is the man who looks for a quiet time in the bedroom and the woman who ultimately becomes bored.
Men want a woman who will commit to them. Though increasingly this is hard to find, it doesn't take away the wish. Men want a girlfriend who they can share with and trust and be open with. Commitment is not a one way street and therefore men are struggling to find the levels of commitment they found previously. But the need is still there. Men don't want to be alone.
These paragraphs can easily fire a great debate and I may be accused of being completely wrong but that is the beauty of opinions. We all have them. The fact is, a modern man is seeking a reliable, sexy, single girl with whom he can have a long term relationship with. He wants to have fun, share his life and ultimately settle down. There are a few long term bachelors but not that many. The problem guys have is that the world has changed. They don't necessarily want to have children and settle down straight away, but it will come. They do seek self-respect even if they are not the primary breadwinner and they seek respect from their partner.
Whilst women become increasingly strong in their new roles in society, it is worth remembering that it takes, and always will take, two to tango.
Why A Man Gets 'Scared Away' When You Try To Get Him To Commit For The Long-Term-And What To Do About It...
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What Men Want
What do men look for in a woman?
A definitive responsible to this is impossible and answers could go on forever. Every man has his own strengths and his own issues and insecurities. Moreover, men go through different stages of life and relationships have different stages. What men want in a woman varies widely.
Here are some of the many answers FAQ Farmers have given:
* Men want what they can't have.
* Men look for health (physical, psychological, emotional, fiscal).
* Men look for the outward appearance of physical health, e.g. clear, bright eyes, a body not too overweight and not too underweight, clean lustrous hair, clean nails, clean body, few if any blemishes.
* Men want someone beautiful but "beauty is in the eye of the beholder."
* Men want someone beautiful and we objectively know what this is. A Discovery health program stated that men overwhelmingly, crossculturally, cross generationally are visually attracted to women who have a 70% ratio from waist to hips. Meaning waist is 70% size of hips. Beauty contestants across the decades have been this way even though they are much slimmer now than 10-20 years ago. Marilyn and Twiggy were both 70% ratio. It is also interesting to know that this is also an immediate indicator of health.
* Men want a woman who is honest, who he can trust completely, who is not likely to sneak around and sleep around with other guys.
* Someone with similar interests so they have something in common.
* A woman who will make an effort to please him.
* A woman who makes an effort to look her best.
* An appreciation of the man's job.
* Passion
* A woman whose ego isn't bigger than her hairstyle.
* A partner for his life.
* A partner for his soul.
* Someone who is caring. All men want to be looked after.
* Someone who has faith in him.
* A woman who is strong yet sometimes submissive.
* A woman who is strong but does not have an attitude.
* Someone who is not too loud.
* Someone who won't nag him beyond reason.
* A woman who challenges him and is full of the unexpected.
* An interesting woman.
* An intelligent woman.
* A woman who is not dumb (mediocre intelligence is fine).
* A woman who is smart enough to grasp new concepts.
* Someone artistic or creative.
* A woman can take care of herself without feeling that she has to compromise herself in a relationship.
* Someone who suits their individual personality.
* Some guys like an aggressive woman.
* Some guys like silent and reserved type.
* Someone in-shape/athletic.
* Interdependence, so that you trust and need each other.
* A sense of humor.
* A woman with a nice laugh.
* A positive personality.
* Men want a woman who is comfortable with her own sexuality.
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* A positive personality
* A talent and passion in something worthwhile.
* Men respect and want a woman who knows her own mind; women who are true to themselves.
* Someone relaxed and confident.
* A woman with a good soul.
* A woman who has a great smile and loves to laugh and be herself but can also be intelligent and serious.
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Books About What Men Want
When a man opens a door for you, do you slam it in his face?
But wait. That's not the whole story.
After opening the door, this guy stepped through the doorway before I did.
Sometimes Mr. Manners even allowed the door to start closing in my face as he raced ahead. After a month of this, his attractive backside walking away from me became all-too-familiar.
And I had the overwhelming urge to kick it.
When I brought up the topic of door openings to Mr. Manners, he accused me of being "old-fashioned" if I expected him to open the door and wait for me to go through first.
Some men would agree with him. For that matter, some women would too. Men tell me stories of being chastised by women for their "condescending" behavior: opening doors, pulling out chairs, trying to pay for dinner, etc.
Yes indeedy. The concept of good manners in dating - for men and for women - has gotten terribly fuzzy, hasn't it?
The opening-the-door thing isn't so fuzzy for me, though. With strangers in public places, if I get to the door first, I frequently hold it open for men, women, and children. Men often "take over" the duty, but not always.
So I figure if a man who's on a date with me is going to open the door anyway, it's not like he needs to bow and gallantly allow me to walk ahead like I'm royalty or something - but maybe he can open the door and we can at least try to walk in TOGETHER.
Basic good manners is all I'm askin' for here, right?
Here's what Peter Post, the great-grandson of etiquette expert Emily Post, writes about the opening-the-door thing in his book, Essential Manners for Men: What to Do, When to do It, and Why.
"I approach a door with my wife, I'll step forward ever so slightly, open the door, and hold it for her to enter before me. If I'm carrying a parcel, or if for some reason she is clearly there ahead of me and starts opening the door herself, I don't make a scene by rushing forward and pushing her aside so I can open the door for her. Instead, I accept the effort she is making and say, 'Thank you.' Other times, when she arrives at a door first and starts opening it, if I can reach behind her and take hold of the edge of the door, discreetly taking over the task of opening it, and then hold it for her so she can enter first."
Sounds good to me.
And so does the part where Mr. Post writes that what really matters is "...the confidence and courtesy you show by knowing how the other person wishes to be treated, and treating her accordingly."
~~~
How would your ideal Mr. Manners treat you? Would he open the door and allow you to go in first? Pull out your chair? Help you put on your coat? Order dinner for you? Pay for dates?
Or is all of that old-fashioned, and maybe even sexist to you?
~~~
As for bad manners, men aren't the only ones.
One of the biggest complaints single men have about single women is their bad habit of bla-bla-blabbing on the cell phone with friends -- during dates, while the men are sitting there.
Great Stuff on Amazon
Essential Manners for Men: What to Do, When to Do It, and Why
Amazon Price: (as of 07/26/2008)
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JziE
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sstoark
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julieashcroft
Hey! Posted May 02, 2008 |
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thepspmaster
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