WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS...

When life gives you lemons, quit whining and do something!

And if you don't know what to do, there are more than 900,000 web pages devoted to the topic, "When life gives you lemons..."!

1. Eat them. (How do you know until you've tried...that's what your mother always told you!)

2. Make lemonade. (Well that's a no brainer, but you might have to find a decent recipe if you want to do this from scratch!)

3. Keep the seeds and grow them in a container. (Lemon balm plants behave well if they're watered, live in the shade and are talked to nicely every day.)

4. Sell them on eBay. (Yup, you can flog all the lemons you want 24/7 in this virtual flea market).

5. Become a lemon consultant and offer advice on how to avoid buying a lemon. (That way you can unload your lemons as bad examples and people will actually pay you to take away their pain.)

6. Get a cooler, a bag of ice, and 12-packs of Juicy Juice. (That should be enough for a blowout block party!)

7. Make grape juice. (Sit back and smile while the world wonders how you did that.)

8. Add vodka. (Alright, if you're not into cocktails, how about a low calorie, no fat flavored Shirly Temple with a twist of citrus?)

9. Think "limoncello" or real "Lemony Snicket"

10. Serve them with barbecued beef tenderloin filets, (it will keep the flies away).

And, as a last resort, you know you can always demand a refund. Better yet, why not set up a social network of like-minded lacklustre lemon lovers to prepare a class action "sourposs suit" against the manufacturer of your dreadful dud! (This is great way to spend time if you have the patience of Job and a lemon-loving litigator who's willing to take this on 'pro bono').

So you think you've got problems, wait until you see who's beat you hands down!

Here's just a short list of unfortuate events that can befall an abtruse, bizarre and cockamammie character like "Lemony Snicket".

1. A bad beginning...where else does a tortuous tale start with some Beaudelaire orphans?

2. A reptile room, a murder and oodles of gothic gargoyles.

3. A wide window, and an odd character who's afraid of radiators exploding (that's why she doesn't heat the house), eats cold cumcumber soup (because she's afraid of the stove), and won't answer the telephone because of the potential danger of electrocution.

4. A vile village.

5. A hostile hospital.

6. A carnivorous carnival.

7. A slippery slope.

8. An ersatz elevator.

9. A miserable mill.

10. An austere academy.

11. Grim Grotto.

12. Penultimate Peril.

Frankly with a list like that, it's no wonder his name is "Lemony Snicket" and he keeps a very low profile!

__________

Insert illustration of Lemony Snicket by Brett Helquist.

When the world's awash in "bad hair days", "bad news days", and "bad dudes doing bad stuff", it's nice to know that there's a Moxie Maven of Mirth named "Maxine" at our fingertips!

So, if things are getting you down, and you want to quit the rat race, just pick up a greeting card or two and hand them out anonymously...that way you'll spread a bit of good cheer everyday and who knows it might even lighten your spirits!

And if all else fails gals, remember what "Maxine" says:

"While life hands you lemons...tucke'm in your bra. Couldn't hurt, might help."