They replied back to me by explaining: "About the black and white colors. They say that those of us that have this disorder have what they call black and white thinking. Something is either really good or really bad and there is almost never an in between which would be what you call grey. The training and skills group we have tries to help us to learn how to come into that area of thinking as well as other skills."

I have came up with a way to help celebrate May being BPD Awareness month. I will be making Faeries in Black and White, who will also be carrying a black and white ribbon symbolizing BPD Awareness. The Faeries will not have names and will all have the same message. I wanted everyone who purchased these faeries to name them on their own or if you are purchasing it for someone who has BPD, let them name it. The faeries will sell for $25.00 each and shipping will be a flat rate of $5.00 (I will cover all expenses after $5.00) Out of the $25.00, $10.00 will be donated to someone you know who has BPD and they can put this amount toward their group therapy expenses. Until I can figure out another system, this will be based on the honor system. If you just want to purchase one of the faerie because you like it but do not know of someone with this disorder, go to my web page: www.whiteoakartdesigns.com Click on the Herb-2 button and email me so I can give you a name (with that persons permission of course) that you can make your donation too. I have added a paypal donation button on the page to help make your donation easier.

Symptoms

A person with BPD may experience intense bouts of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last only hours, or at most a day. These may be associated with episodes of impulsive aggression, self-injury, and drug or alcohol abuse. Distortions in cognition and sense of self can lead to frequent changes in long-term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, gender identity, and values. Sometimes people with BPD view themselves as fundamentally bad, or unworthy. They may feel unfairly misunderstood or mistreated, bored, empty, and have little idea who they are. Such symptoms are most acute when people with BPD feel isolated and lacking in social support, and may result in frantic efforts to avoid being alone.

People with BPD often have highly unstable patterns of social relationships. While they can develop intense but stormy attachments, their attitudes towards family, friends, and loved ones may suddenly shift from idealization (great admiration and love) to devaluation (intense anger and dislike). Thus, they may form an immediate attachment and idealize the other person, but when a slight separation or conflict occurs, they switch unexpectedly to the other extreme and angrily accuse the other person of not caring for them at all. Even with family members, individuals with BPD are highly sensitive to rejection, reacting with anger and distress to such mild separations as a vacation, a business trip, or a sudden change in plans. These fears of abandonment seem to be related to difficulties feeling emotionally connected to important persons when they are physically absent, leaving the individual with BPD feeling lost and perhaps worthless. Suicide threats and attempts may occur along with anger at perceived abandonment and disappointments.

People with BPD exhibit other impulsive behaviors, such as excessive spending, binge eating and risky sex. BPD often occurs together with other psychiatric problems, particularly bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety disorders, substance abuse, and other personality disorders.

In my opinion the most important thing to do would be to start, "Dialectic Behaviour Therapy (DBT)". It is a modification of standard cognitive behavioural therapy, and was designed specifically for treatment for borderline personality disorder. Currently, DBT is the only therapy proven to be effective for treatment of BPD. This is what I am donating $10 of every sale from my BPD Awareness Faeries too.
The focus of DBT is to teach patients 4 skills:

-mindfulness (attention to one's experience)
-interpersonal effectiveness (predominantly assertiveness);
-emotional regulation;
-distress tolerance without impulsivity.

Some other things that may help are:

-yoga
-acupuncture
-massage
-meditation

Herbal Remedies:

These are some herbs I have during my research from people who suffer with BPD and choose to use a more natural approach instead of using prescriptions. All of this information is to be viewed as educational, and not confused with medical advise.

Angelica Root-Respiratory, sedative, digestion, sinus

Basil: alcoholism, anasarca, ardor, asthma, cancer (stomach), cholera, collapse, constipation, convulsions, cough, cramps, croup, deafness, delirium, depression, diarrhea.

BeeBalm: anxiety, catarrh, common cold, depression, flatulence, gastro-intestinal disturbances, heart ailments, insomnia, pain, sore throat

Catnip-Insomnia, sedative, mild nerve stimulant

Chamomile-Relasxing, calming nerves, sleep, skin tonic

Gotu Kola-Nervous conditions, leg circulation, depression

Lavender-Relaxant, gas, insomnia, nervousness

Mugwort-Rheumatism,constipation, nervine, anxiety, good source of Vit. C
**Do not take in large doses and should not be taken by pregnant women.

Passion Flower: Insomnia, nervousness, menstrual pain

Schisandra: used in Chinese medicine for conditions such as insomnia, hepatitis and allergic skin reactions. Schizandra has no adverse side effects and actually has a positive cumulative effect. Schizandra has the ability to stimulate gastro-intestinal tract, central nervous system, liver, kidneys and adrenals, lungs, and immune system.

Valerian Root: nerve disorders, circulatory problems, sedative effect

Vetivert: Reduces stress, tension, healing to the skin, repels insects

I sell most of these herbs on my web page: WhiteOak Art Designs Click on the Herb-2 button. If you should decide that you would like to try some of these herbs; let me know that you got the information from this Lens and I will give you a 20 percent discount on your order and A FLAT RATE for shipping.

Drake & Lynsi Eastburn are both Authors and Board-Certified Hypnotherapists. Their Practice is in Denver, Colorado. For more information about their Hypnotherapy Center, you can visit their web page at: HypnoFertility

Drake has been studying BPD for over 16 years and offered to give me some information about the disorder. The information below comes from emails that he and I sent back and forth.

Drake: There is a Stop Walking on "Eggshells" workbook; it is designed to help people determine if they or someone in their life may be BPD. There is also a book by Marcia Linehan on "Dialectical Behavior Therapy". I have taken courses in these methods and they are based on a large clinic type setting where there are different therapists doing different parts of the work (some individual and some group). I do have a lot of experience working with borderlines as well.

Drake: Even though there are certain criteria in the DSMIV for BPD there are some things that I see as consistent. Every person I have ever dealt with who had BPD also had abandonment issues. The abandonment issues are not always real apparent because the BP may have developed coping strategies to deal with them. Having children is one way a borderline can insure that they will not be alone; always being in a relationship is common as well and BPDs tend to be in a new relationship almost before the last one has ended, "Codependency R US" is typical BP behavior. Also I have never seen a BP that boundaries issue weren't a part of their history and that can cover a wide range, even with rather high function parents, boundary issues can evolve

WhiteOak: Do you think that the abandonment issues and the Codependency issues support each other? If someone has abandonment issues wouldn't it make sense to handle that issue with the Codependency issue?

Drake: Yes the abandonment issues and co-dependency do go hand in hand. Often when the abandonment issues are dealt with then the co-dependency is also dealt with, however keep in mind that we live in a very co-dependent world and even what we refer to as healthy relationships are often quite co-dependent. I used to think that if two BPD personalities got together they would probably not last, but that is not necessarily the case due to the very nature of the disorder. Their own codependency and fear of abandonment will often keep them together and there is this like minded kind of thinking even though it is distorted.

WhiteOak: Can you share a little more with the boundary issues?

Drake: Boundary issues can come from having boundaries that are too loose or too tight. An example of really tight boundaries is of the child who is locked up in the closet and given food and water occasionally, like a caged animal they will fear leaving their small surroundings. Of course that example is very extreme, but the tighter boundaries we have as a child the more difficult it will be to expand out into the world and thrive later in life. Loose boundaries are just kind of giving the kid anything they want and letting them do whatever they want, which is very damaging as well even though the parents may be well intentioned. Healthy boundaries are how a child learns how to define themselves and with out that they can end up BPD.

Boundary issues can occur even with high functioning parents. Parents (normally) want their children to like them; however we can go too far with that. If every time a child is upset with us or wants something and we give in so that the child will not be angry with us and therefore will like us, we are not setting good boundaries. Boundaries are how a child learns to define themselves.

Through boundaries we begin to experience where we end and the rest of the world begins. Example: Let's say little Johnny comes to mommy and say's "I want a cookie" and mommy say's "no, we are going to have dinner soon." Little Johnny replies with, "but I want a cookie now", to which mom say's "no, no I don't want you to ruin your appetite". Little Johnny continues to persist until mom gives in and let's him have the cookie. What Little Johnny learns is that as long as he keeps pushing those boundaries sooner or later he will get what he wants and in that there is no clear definition of where he is.

This is the problem that BPs has (a clear definition of who they are, and where the rest of the world begins). We all have had some experience of the kid in High School who has always been given what he wants and on his sixteenth birthday he gets a shiny new sports car and that same night he runs it into a phone pole. Two days later there he is with yet another new sports car and the cycle begins all over. These types of kids may have well meaning parents, but they do not have good boundaries and will make dangerous choices in life (reckless driving, dangerous sexual activity and risky sports etc.). Another example would be: when people go into a store with shoes and things that were worn out and demand their money back. They would not have receipt or anything. Eventually these people would raise such a stink that the manager comes out and gives them their money back; even though they clearly did not deserve it, but just to shut them up and to avoid a conflict. The problem is that we keep rewarding people for their neurotic behavior instead of setting healthy boundaries that might actually help them to become more functioning.

WhiteOak: Do you feel that Hypnotherapy is a method of healing that would be beneficial to those who have BP? I am asking because it seems that there would be so many different levels to go to when working with people who have different disorders. In your opinion what would be the one thing that would be the most beneficial in helping someone with BP when using Hypnotherapy?

Drake: Yes I believe hypnotherapy can be a great way to deal with BPD, however there are probably very few hypnotherapists that are qualified to work with BPD, very few have a background in this kind of work and a lot of states may not even allow it.
Hypnotists are working with people who are BPD all of the time and aren't aware of it. BPs come in to the hypnotists office just like anyone else, to stop smoking or lose weight etc. and the therapist isn't even aware that they have BPD and probably the client isn't aware either.

In my book "The Power of the Past" I don't mention BPD specifically, but the methods outlined in the book are some of the things that I would be doing with a BP.

I am Cindy. I am 38 years old and I suffer daily from Borderline Personality Disorder. This is something I have lived with as long and as far back as my memory goes. I cannot explain to anyone that does not live with it just how horribly it can effect your life and those who share in your life. It is like a huge wrecking ball blasting through every aspect of your life on a daily basis and leaving you to pick up the pieces over and over again.

Those of us that live with this disorder are the true meaning of survivor. One of the things I have found so very frustrating along the way is how the mental health industry really on so many instances do not really care to deal with borderlines as many feel there is so little that can be done for us and to make matters worse insurance companies often times will not want to pay for the needed care of a borderline as it has an axis 2 level on the DSM manual and it requires a great deal more care than insurance companies are willing to pay.

If you have BPD and you go in for help please know that there is a great deal of work you must be willing to do in order to get yourself a little more able to deal with life. I am in intense psychotherapy 1 time per week and DBT group therapy 1 time a week right now and I can see a difference in how I am responding to things that trigger my emotions.

I will be the first to admit that there are still times that I do not care to try the skills I am being trained as I am just so all consumed in the rage or the intense sadness or sometimes I am just so lost that there is just no reaching me but I am happy to say that in all, I do feel a little more comfortable with myself and who I am as I am able to identify the emotions and feel them coming on before they consume me on many occasions.

I highly recommend DBT Therapy for anyone that has BPD as this is one of the most promising things out there for you and our beloved Marsha Linehan created this just for us and so much research has proven that there is success in learning and mastering it. Please know there will be days that things are so bad that you feel that going to another therapy session or another DBT group session is just a lost cause but know that is just your emotions controlling your thoughts and that is what BPD does to you......Right???

I do not really know what else to say as I am not a writer but do seek some mental help and look for a place that specializes in the type of care that is required in treating someone with Borderline Personality Disorder. Make sure they also have a way to get you access to DBT Therapy. Also if you are going through therapy and DBT please understand that in therapy it will always have the times along the way where you will get worse before getting better as your reaching the core matter of what has created the person your trying to treat. Never give up and keep going as long as it takes for you to get better as this is hope for you!

I will point out also that I found a great place here (in the South) to get my therapy and DBT therapy group. In the clinic they have an area just for BPD care and they stay up on all of the newest things coming out for helping those of us with BPD.

Stay proactive in getting yourself or your loved one the care that they so badly need and if it means making allot of noise to get what is needed then do it! One thing to keep in mind also and this is something I have learned along the way in finding the right care for myself is that not all places that offer care for borderlines is created equally. I was attending DBT therapy groups at one place and could not stand the way it was being run; so it steered me away from continuing my care for over a year. I put myself back into the getting myself care mode and found the wonderful place I go to now and it has so far been so much worth the effort. So please be very selective in your choice!

I am here to offer my support and encouragement. If you have questions or need some encouragement then I am here to offer that but please know up front I am not a professional in this field but rather just a survivor that is fighting the big fight to get better.

With Love, Blessings And Encouragement,
Cindy-----I Have BPD But BPD Does Not Have Me!

Aromatherapy

What is aromatherapy? The Oxford dictionary explains, "It is the use of plant extracts and essential oils in massage". Ok, this is true however; aromatherapy is also used without massage.

When you are working with herbs or the extracts of plants, one of the most important things to remember is; you must learn to connect to the essence of the plant.

When I came up with the herbal tea recipe, I drank it for a while to see how it would affect my own energy. It calmed me because the herbs used in it are used as relaxants. Now my thought was this:
If the tea helped me to feel more mellow, then wouldn't using the oils in aromatherapy do the same thing? So I tried it!

From my understanding from watching the videos, reading blogs and forums and talking with my friend; stress, depression, tension, and rage are a few of the emotions you experience with BPD but with more intensity.

In my own case when I have days that I am unbalanced, stressed, etc., I have used this combination of oils, (that I will list in a moment) and what it did for me was it helped to relax my energy. It did not make me automatically balanced, and it is not a magickal cure, but from MY EXPERIENCE it took the edge off of my emotions.

I used equal parts of: Lavender, Chamomile, Passion Flower and Lemon Balm (Melissa). I used a few drops in a tea-lite candle and breathe in the scent. The only difference between this combination and the herb tea I drink is: instead of using lavender; I use bergamot and I added a little spearment.

I believe so strongly in alternative medicine, but I also believe You know what is best for You better then anyone else would know.

Borderline Personality Disorder
Support for the Family and Relationship Partners

This is a group that just sent me their information so I could post it in here. The web site is: BPD Family-index

They just recently finished a video and the link to the video is: BPD Family-Articles

I will admit that there are many wonderful, informative sites out there to help others who have BPD. This site truly impressed me. It is very informative, the video is great (not to mention WONDERFUL music) but most important it can help many of you find help for your spouse during a time they need it most.

With all of my heart thank you again Staff@BPDFamily for providing this information to our group