My Spirit Name

The Journey to my spirit name WhiteOak

Back in the early 90's, I read a book by Brooke Medicine Eagle, called When Buffalo Woman comes Singing . In the book there was a section about doing naming ceremonies. My only thought on that whole subject was it must be great to be given a spirit name, but besides that there was no more thought.

The next morning I was meditating on my back deck and I had this vision of me wearing an Oak Leaf Necklace with acorns and beads. I am not sure why but the vision just stayed with me for a long time. Later that night, I was reading again, and out of nowhere I heard someone say, WhiteOak. I was at home alone so I thought it was imagination. Not too long after that I heard the voice again say, "WhiteOak". I do not know why, but I said the name out loud and every hair on the back my neck stood on end and I had chills like I have never had them before.

I remember writing everything down about the experience because I did not want to forget anything. The next day I called my Mentor and was talking to her about what happened and she said it sounded like to her that Spirit was giving me a message. Later that afternoon, I was walking up the driveway to get my mail and I was looking at these huge Oak trees I had in my yard. As I was walking past them, I saw something that looked like a white puff ball in the limbs! I stood there for a moment just staring at the tree trying to figure out what those white puff balls were. After a few minutes I gave up and went about my business. Coming back down the driveway, I looked up at the tree again and the white puff balls had disappeared.

Later that night, I was reading something else about sacred names and once again, I said WhiteOak out loud, with the same response as the night before except this time the wind chimes in my living chimed together. Was I spooked yet? Oh, yeah I was!

A few days went by and all I could think about was the name WhiteOak. The vision of the necklace, the white puff balls in the oak tree, the voice that said "WhiteOak" a few times, the wind chimes chimming in my living room and then it just all came together that WhiteOak was to be my spirit name.

I meditated about all of this for at least a couple of months before I felt comfortable enough and was sure enough, this was suppose to be. I wanted to make sure it was not me imagining it or doing wishful thinking. After a lot of confirmation my Mentor offered to hold a ceremony for me to spiritually take the name.

The ceremony felt like a "Rebirth", it was one of the most powerful things I had experienced. I had several friends who attended; we played drums, ate and celebrated. I had to write something about what my current name meant to me and how I would honor it even though I no longer planned on using it. I had to write what my new name meant to me and how I would honor it. I knelt before the Tree Kingdom and held silence for a while showing honor for the sacred gift of this name.

From that night for about 10 years afterwards, no one knew my Birth Name everybody referred to me by my Spirit Name. I was deeply considering changing it legally, but life is full of changes, so I guess it was not suppose to be.

As a child I never lived in one place for long. My mother and step father were always moving from one state to another. My step-father was in the Army and my mother well, she use to follow him around like his shadow. He was her main concern in life and his main concern in life was his booze.

I have always been a loner, with Nature actually being my best friend. The trees have protected me since I was old enough to climb them. I felt at home in the woods because of the trees. I have never really "Fit" into any kind of group or with any one kind of person. My whole life has been "Multi-Faceted" in everything I get involved in, my art, my beliefs, my views on life, everything about me.

My grandmother use to sit me up on books at the table when I was young and I would sit there forever (it seemed) coloring, scribbling, and pretending to write. I always did that instead of playing with other children because they bored me.

It was also at my grandmother's house where I experienced my first ghost encounters. I wrote about them on my lens Ghost vs. Spirits. Because of seeing so many ghosts as a child, part of me tried to shut that part down and today I see things but not as often.

For years now, I have "Received" messages from the Spirit World and when I am suppose to tell people things I have to tell them or else I am not left alone! (Sounding like a Looney aren't I) I fully believe that I experience this because I carry strong "Hawk Medicine". Hawks are messengers from the Heavens. I talk a little about my Hawk Medicine on my lens: Animal Spirit Totems

This is a poem I wrote during a time of my life where things were caught up in a chaoic sphere:

A Crow's Song
©WhiteOak-2002

Gentle sound of the Crows call-
Is trying to filter through my thick walls
I am trying to hear each note of your song
I know you are sending me messages of where I belong
But I cannot understand the words today
My human ears have become afraid.

The Apache Elder's words echo's in my ears-
"Feel beyond words, and you will hear"
Even those words seem muffed today-
I feel so lost and so afraid
Do the Guardians still see me as their Child?
Please I want to hear your song, I want to dance and smile.

There was once a time when I soared beneath your wing-
As I flowed to each note that you sing
I remember seeing you along the road as I drove
Honoring your grace with the magic as you guided me to the grove
But now your black eyes-
Have only become mirrors of my own inner cries

My spirit aches to be with you as you fly
Moving your wings with such grace, soaring through the sky
You have always taught me what is really true
Now my spirit has become trapped inside a solid igloo
I know I need your medicine, Brother Crow
Chaos has taken my power and wrapped me with no hope.

I kid you not, I believe from the time I could talk, I have asked questions about things I did not understand. My Grandmother would drag me to Catholic Church, and I asked her a lot of "Why" Questions. Why did you have to put the water on your face, why did you have kneel before you sat down, why this and why that. She would just talk real fast in Italian and I knew to be quiet for a while.

This is really not nice to say but most everyone in my family thought of me as some kind of "Alien" or something. NO ONE could understand me, so I learned to accept who I was, the way I am. (Today my husband knows how different I am, but again he cannot complain too much because he is different too!)

I have always felt out of sync, like I am in this life but caught up in some time warp. My "Spirituality" is the one thing that has always been with me, it is the one thing in my life that I can fully trust without any doubt or question.

I have never known my biological father. I do not know what he looks like, I know his name because it was on my birth certificate and my mother told me a few things which was not enough to work with. I never had the money to hire investigators or travel to go on a wild goose chase, so I began to do my own research and this is what happened.

After years and years of writing for birth abstracts, trying to apply for death certificates and such, I found a place where my father worked. I was really lucky here because the lady I spoke to was able to share a little information with me but not much. It ended up I would write to her in hopes of getting confirmation if I found out something new about my father. This went on for years until one day I called and found out she had retired. The day I found that out, is also the day I had my biggest break though, you have heard how sometimes "Spirit" can work through people, well without a doubt that is exactly what happened to me that day. I was lead to a very important piece of the puzzle my fathers Social Security number. Keep in mind, it only took me 20 plus years to find it! By having his SS number, I also found out he died in 1995.

I also found out: On my great grandmother's side of the family I am part Cherokee

I found out: My grandmother and my great grandmothers name. Which I was named after my grandmother.

This may not seem like much, but when you had nothing and find this much, it is like finding a treasure.

The point in sharing this with you is: Never give up on something that you are trying to achieve, NEVER. I found out more by following my intuition and believing what "Spirit" was telling me and where "Spirit was leading me. But it took me trusting in that!

You can write to Bob Blankenship at: Post Office Box 525, Cherokee, North Carolina 28719 ( 704-497-9709)and order his book Cherokee Roots. This address comes out of his book, which is old. So you may want to research it first.

The hardest thing in life is to be comfortable with who you are. There are always so many conditions and regulations that others feel you need to follow. But what happens if you are not a follower? Does that make you an outcast? I believe it makes you unique.

It takes a strong will to not be afraid to stand for something you believe when everyone else thinks it wrong. But the whole truth is I have to live with me, and if I went against what I believed than how could I run away from myself?

Oh, my goodness where do I begin with this? When I joined Squidoo February 2008, I honestly believed I found a treasure. When I wrote my first lens which I believe was: Faeries, Fairies Everywhere I did not know what in the world I was doing. I just knew that I found a place where I could help get my little Inspirational Faeries out into the world. Although the lens has completely changed today, the whole purpose for writing that particular lens was to introduce my Faeries to the world.

Than Squidoo became addictive to me, I wanted to write about things that meant something to me. SO, today I have 88 lens and a ton of ideas for others.

I became a Giant Squid in October 2008 and HONESTLY convinced myself that I would not make it. I entered WhiteOaksLensography in the early part of September and sat on pin and needles all though the month. Than as I was looking at other lensmasters lenses something came over me and I felt okay with not becoming Giant Squid because I felt my lenses needed work. I thought well, if I take the next couple of months and improve the lenses I already have and reenter my lensography in December I would just try again.

When the deadline came, I had not heard anything. I asked someone else who was also trying for Giant Squid if she had heard anything she said no. The date came when the new giant squids were going to be announced and I did not hear anything. It was getting late, so I accepted the fact I did not make it this time around, and I was getting ready to shut down my computer for the night. I did the usual and was closing down all of my windows, and checked my email one last time, AND OMG-the email was there! I was afraid to look at it but to excited not to look and I MADE IT! I freaked out and hurried and emailed my friend right around the same time she just got her acceptance email. (I think-You know who you are, correct me if I am wrong, okay).

Becoming a Giant Squid was a huge accomplishment for me. It is something I am very proud of and something that means a lot to me. OMG...I have even talked to strangers about Squidoo, this is coming from someone who is usually a quiet person.

Thank you for taking the time to read this lens. I know it is long that is one reason I decided to stop where I did.