We all want the best mate we can possibly catch. We desire the prettiest, smartest, funnest, sexiest, most powerful, richest person that we can manage to seduce. We usually want someone who is above our own stature. Someone we can show off to friends and family.

At first it can seem confusing that attractive people have just as much difficulty with relationships as unattractive people. Looking deeper it becomes apparent that the game is exactly the same, just with a different level of attractiveness. You might think, "who wouldn't want that person?". But the mate being pursued by that beautiful person has several other possibilities just as pretty or prettier. The person who looks so attractive to you is just one of many to a person who has their pick.

There are three ways to get the mate you desire:

a) Change your standards.

b) Improve your looks, body, attitude, seduction techniques, wealth, etc.

c) Wait a long time. Combining this with method (b) shortens the time and results in a better quality mate.

Option (a) works very quickly and without fail. For (b), read the section below titled "Theories for Attracting a Mate". If these don't work for you, read the rest of this page and stick with (c).

Women want one or more of three basic things in a mate:

a) a very attractive, sexy man
b) a very rich, powerful, popular, man - a leader
c) someone "in the know", "inside the system"

Women will date a ditch digger if he is attractive enough. Otherwise, he better drive a nice car and be able to entertain her. The thought of not having to worry about money is a powerful attraction for most women. Travel, parties, dinners, nice cars, and nicer houses can be powerful aphrodisiacs.

Men want one or more of the following in a mate:

a) a very attractive, sexy woman
b) a fun, pleasant personality
c) a woman with similar interests to his own
d) a woman who thinks he is "the only one"
e) a woman to impress family and friends
f) rarely, a wealthy woman

Men do not often consider a woman's money, power, or fame when choosing a mate. They are much more visually stimulated and are not seeking protection or a provider.

It is very important that the woman considers the man to be uniquely capable of satisfying her needs - sexual and otherwise. No man wants to be the mate of last resort or find out that his mate has a reputation of dating anyone who comes along. Who wants to be number 487?

There are two main theories being cast about nowadays for catching a mate. The first is pretty simple: be nice, talk to everyone, go everywhere, try over and over again. This works pretty much for men and women.

The second theory even has a name: "cocky & funny". This one is mostly meant for men, and advises them to be aloof smart-asses and to create sexual tension. This works sometimes, but in the long run it's pretty difficult to build a relationship on this foundation. You can't be cocky and funny forever - it gets old really quick.

A third theory is to buy a motorcycle and act like you aren't interested in a relationship. This works with other passions also, such as music, art, etc. People are attracted to passion and obsession, especially when coupled with aloofness.

A fourth theory has been used throughout time: gain money, power, or fame and use it to seduce. It balances out any lack of attractiveness or physical prowess.

Check out the books and links listed below for more information on these theories. Reading them will help you to decide what will work best for you.

Women always complain that men never ask them out for dates. After all, the man has to make the first move, right? Wrong. The woman must offer some subtle suggestion that she would welcome a man's advances or she will receive none. Remember when a lady dropped her handkerchief so that a gentleman could retrieve it for her? The same rules still apply.

Try these tactics:

a) mention that you haven't been out in ages and just sit at home alone on weekends

b) ask questions about his work, children, what he's been doing, etc.

c) offer to meet so your kids can play together

d) invite him to a party (and then have a party)

e) ask about favorite books and movies, loan one to him, discuss it the next time you see each other

f) cross the room to talk to him EVERY TIME you see him

g) develop a passionate interest in something - art, music, Tai Chi, charity etc. and attend related events regularly

Be prepared to wait a long time. The more selective you are, the longer the wait will be.

DO NOT DO ANY OF THESE THINGS IF YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED IN A RELATIONSHIP. Men use these clues to determine who they can move forward with and can become very confused and upset if they have misread your intentions.

It's pretty frustrating nowadays. A prominent dating expert recently remarked that men no longer approach women and women no longer give signals that such approaches are welcome. Worst of all, some women give clues that are so inviting that it can be quite devastating to find that her intentions were misinterpreted.

Try these tactics:

a) talk to everyone - those that seek you out each time you meet have potential

b) don't rush it, but don't wait too long to make a move - there is nothing more devastating than to drag out the chase for a year only to find she has no interest in you - if things haven't moved forward by the fifth meeting, avoid her and see if she seeks you out

c) develop a passionate interest in something - art, music, Tai Chi, charity etc. and attend related events regularly

-- or, better yet--

d) become the "expert" - start your own Tai Chi / Karate group, join a band, give speeches, BE IN THE FRONT - women are immensely attracted to the man everyone else is looking at, the leader/teacher/exhibitionist

e) get an MP3 player and a book and TOTALLY ignore everyone - women will ignore you if you are looking around, but seem to be piqued if they feel you are totally overlooking them - act pre-occupied with something important

f) improve your body, attire, and wealth as much as possible

Be prepared to wait a long time. The more selective you are, the longer the wait will be.

Take any opportunity to spend time with a potential mate. Do NOT drag it out for a year or you will be very disappointed. Walk away from any one who seems to be blowing you off - not returning phone calls, missing dates, etc.

There are certain types of men and women you should avoid becoming involved with at any cost:

People who have more than 3 relationships in one year.

People who have more than 3 jobs in one year.

Anyone who doesn't return your phone calls within three hours. Even if they are beautiful, kiss you when they see you and even sleep with you. This situation is difficult, but promises nothing but pain and heartache. Every single time.

Women who do not have at least 50 percent parenting time with their children, men who don't have at least four days every two weeks. The disparity in numbers is due to the current court system.

People who have moved out of town leaving children behind.

If you are not a drug user, cutter, tattoo freak, or smoker, do not date people who are. They may even drop their habits for you, but they never drop the reasons behind the habits and will soon find new habits - the worst being blaming you for their lack of pleasurable bad habits.

Women who are hero worshippers. Compared to the hero, you are chopped liver and always will be.

Online dating is a horrible experience for most people. At first, it seems like a chance to present your intelligence, wit, and humor in a non-threatening environment. Unfortunately, it turns out that life online mirrors life offline - if you aren't pretty, no one bothers to read what you have to say. No one.

Here are the MAJOR problems which are documented by many people across the web:

a) The pretty people can get dates anywhere. They only put profiles up without becoming paid members just in case somebody really, really "hot" contacts them - doctors, lawyers, pilots, etc. You don't stand a chance.

b) It's really difficult to make a long distance relationship work out, which limits you to the people in your area.

c) The web sites are bad about scamming - they send fake messages and "flirts" between members. When you answer, the other person doesn't even have a clue that they have messaged you. This is especially bad if you are a non-paid member with a free profile. You will constantly receive messages to which you cannot respond unless you pay. When you do, the person who supposedly sent the message has no clue what is going on.

d) Some web sites employ fake members who lead you on to keep you paying or to start paying. Yahoo faced a class action lawsuit over this.

e) You will constantly be deluged with messages and such from scam artists who live in America but happen to be stranded overseas and need you to send them money to get home at which time they will re-imburse you from their abundant bank accounts. They cannot access the bank account from overseas, but they happen to live in your town and have really good jobs - model, engineer, etc. It's really funny if you live in a tiny town of less than 100 people and one of these fools claims to live there also.

f) The only people interested in your brilliant prose are twisted souls with nothing better to do than read said prose. Everybody only wants fun, good looking people so you can't really express your inner thoughts unless they all happen to be funny. And you happen to be good looking. Sounds a lot like real life, doesn't it?

SOME people DO have success with online dating. Good luck if you try it - you're going to need it.

The free networking sites like MySpace, Friendster, and Facebook actually work better. Since they are free, the sites have little incentive to scam you. And since the connections are under the guise of friendship, people will actually let you into their inner circle where you have a chance to get to know them.