Why Is My Child Biting

When a child is aggressive and bites you can assume that there are painful feelings underneath.

When your child is hurt, anger is used as a defense mechanism and a way to cope with painful feelings inside.

As adults it's often difficult to acknowledge our child's anger, because if we do we would have to acknowledge our child's pain and sadness as well. With acknowledgment can come a lot of guilt so it's easier to accept anger than actually deal with it.

Important Point:

Aggression, whining and obnoxious behavior is a defensive mechanism and coping strategy to cope with very painful feelings.

When your small child is behaving obnoxiously it's because there is pain underneath.

When children are talked to harshly, left alone too much or try to process things that are above their understanding they become frightened. If these incidents occur time and time again children build up mechanisms to cope with these intense situations.

Every child processes things differently and one way to process these painful fears is by using anger and obnoxious behaviors.

Stressors that are normal to adults may be very stressful for children.

Here are some other examples of sources of stress in children that cause fear which may lead to obnoxious behavior and aggression:

Overstimulation in the environment (loud music)
Events that children cannot understand (arguing, yelling)
Physical hurts
Separation from care giver
Neglect or being ignored
Authoritarian discipline
Unrealistic or high expectations of the child
Exposure to violence
Being teased or bullied
Developmental frustrations
Lack of stimulation
Lack of physical closeness and contact

The stresses above create fear in children that can lead to aggression, whining and other irritating behaviors. It's important to note that every child responds to stress differently so one child may lash out from stress and fear while another may become "shy". Because a child is "shy" or withdrawn does not mean that the child doesn't have emotional issues. But in our society "shy" is considered more acceptable then anger so it's dealt with differently.

Important Point:

Children deal with stress in different ways. Some become extroverted and aggressive while other become shy and withdrawn.

I use a 4 step process that stops biting in as little as two weeks.

You can find out about it here: