The Real Truth Why Men Disappear

Why do men disappear? I get asked this question almost every day from many women. Most are smart, savvy succesful women. They go on a few dates or even date for months and the man just disappears. He may do the slow fade, then again, he may just stop calling altogether and vanish. We are often left wondering why guys disappear.

Most women believe that men are basically commitment phobics, but this is really not true. They want a relationship, they want love just like you do. They hope to find that woman that inspires them to get out of the dating pool and settle down. Thing is, it's just as difficult for them to find this woman as it is for us to find that man.

When a man enters into a casual dating relationship with a woman, his first thoughts are always how to get you in bed for the most part. It's what men do. Boys will be boys. Don't fault them for this, it's in their nature. This does not mean you should just hop into bed though.

Although me do think a lot about sex, in the beginning dating stages he is sizing you up as well. Men consider marriage and exclusivity way more than we women give them credit for. He is watching how you handle yourself, how you react in certain situations. He is testing you. He has it in his mind what he wants in a relationship and if you don't meet up to this, well he disappears.

If men vanish on you and you often are left wondering why he disappeared, you might want to learn about what men really want in a relationship. They are really simple creatures, not complicated as we women make them out to be. They are also human, very much so.

When he disappears, well something about you doesn't fit into his perception of a relationship. The common ones are, too needy, acting like a girlfriend before he is ready, mothering him or just giving too much of yourself. When a woman gives too much he feels like he is in debt to her. Not a good feeling. He may not feel like returning the gestures, but feels obligated to do so. No man wants to do anything out of obligation. It takes the fun out of it.

There are many reasons why men disappear. Most women just chalk him up as another jerk. This usually is not the case. You missed something along the way. Men need a few things from you to consider a relationship with you. If you are wondering why he disappeared, chances are you just didn't meet his needs or did not know how to find out what his needs really are.

It's pretty common for guys to disappear after sex. I hear it a lot. There are a number of reasons for this, but mainly it boils down to really not having much to do with the fact that he just had sex with you. Of course there are guys out there that are only looking to score, but it's up to you to learn to distinguish the difference.

Guys can tell why you have sex with them. If you are doing it just to please him, he senses it. This spells desperation to him. A guy would rather you have sex because you wanted to. Otherwise he feels as if it's some ploy to trap him. Often women start putting off the vibe that they think they are now in a relationship. Sex does not equal a relationship.

If the truth be told, he was probably going to disappear if you slept with him or not. Many are under the belief that guys see them as easy when they sleep with them to soon. There may be some truth to this, but if the guy is into you to start with, it's not going to matter. Where women screw up with this is that once they sleep with a guy, they are ready to now invest their hearts. This is where the easy comes into play in reality. A man likes to work for your heart. If you give it away quickly, he doesn't see it's value. He thinks he isn't anything special.

If a guy disappears after you have had sex, it's one of two things.

1. He wasn't that into you in the first place. It's really no one to blame here. We can't help who we are or aren't into. I imagine you too have felt like disappearing on a guy after you had sex. Maybe you did it in a moment of weakness and you really didn't like the guy. Maybe you were drunk, who knows, but it happens. We all do it or have done it. That is one reason why he disappeared.

2. The second reason is how you behave afterwards. If you start acting like a girlfriend before he has made that move, it's a turn off. If you got all emotional, well you made him feel guilty. Guilt and sex don't go together. If you expect it to mean something special to him, he will sense it. Most men don't see sex as something special, at least not in the early dating stage.

Then of course there is the chance that you aren't that great in bed. If you were more focused on pleasing him and not focused on allowing him to please you, this is not good. Men feel good when they make you feel good. Picture Tarzan beating his chest and you will get the idea.

Why He Disappeared!

If you are dating a new guy and you ask is he into me, it's what we all do. We have all heard the phrase he is just not that into you and that is not fun. If you are liking him, you of course hope that he is into you. I am going to tell you some sure signs that he is into you. If you have a guy doing the following things, chances are good, he is into you.

* He calls when he says he will. This means he doesn't call hours later or the next day with an excuse.
* He takes you places, meaning it's not your place or his. If it's always your place or his, you might be in a friends with benefits relationship.
* He asks about your life and wants to know how you day is
* He takes you out and is willing to pick you up, you don't have to drive to see him always
* He offers to help you with things, change a light bulb, look at your tires, add a quart of oil
* He compliments you and seems proud of you
* He wants you to meet his friends and family
* He wants to meet your friends and family
* He sticks around after sex
* He texts you at random, just to say hi.
* He picks on you and teases you. Think about gradeschool boys pulling your pigtails in the sandbox.
* He will stop by even if it only means seeing you for a few minutes.
* He spends time with you on the weekends, not just weekdays
* He doesn't call you for booty calls, he respects you enough not to ring your phone in the middle of the night
* Your dates don't revolve around sex, he is fine with just snuggling

If your guy is doing most of the above things, that's a sign he is into you. If he isn't you may just be an option in his book. If he isn't making you a priority in his life, then you may not be his idea of girlfriend material.

Guys have diffent types of girls in their lives. They have the friends with benefits. This is the friend that they have sex with that will never make it to girlfriend status, well because she settled for less and didn't demand more. Friends with benefits is a lost cause and rarely progress to more than heartache.

Then there is the filler girl. A girl they do like, but don't see themselves in a relationship with. They like her but something about her does not inspire him to move her to girlfriend role. She is only filling a position and giving him something to do until he finds someone more interesting.

The last girl is the girlfriend. This is the one he adores and can't wait to see. This is the one you want to be. This girl has done something or there is just something about her that inspires him to take her off the market and claim her as his own. If he is into you, chances are good, he has made you his girlfriend.

Which girl are you. Is he into you and do you know how to inspire a guy to be into you? If you have to ask "is he into me", you might want to work on it some more. You can't force a guy to like you, that's for sure.

If you are in love with a man that blows hot and cold, girl I feel for you. We have all been there. You have this chemistry with a man, it feels returned. Some days are just amazing. Others you don't even know if he will call or not. Worse, you wonder if you don't call him, would you even hear from him or not? It's a emotional roller coaster that is for sure.

Why do men blow hot and cold? Is he moody? Is it that he loves you but he just hasn't realized it yet. This is what I see a lot. Women staying with this up and down man hoping he will realize that one day he loves her and begins to stop the nonsense back and forth stuff. Many women even attempt to talk to their man about it. Oh this is only going to make it worse, don't talk about it. Men respond to distance, not words.

If you find yourself saying "but it was so great last time we were together, how can he just shut me out like that" you have one of those men that go from cold to hot. If you find yourself saying "but I love him", you have even bigger troubles. A man that changes temperatures is not a man in love. A man in love would not dream of putting you through that emotional push pull. If he is falling in love, you won't be left wondering why he disappeared.

He could be a commitment phobic, he could be emotionally unavailable, but the fact remains, he is what he is, not present in your life like you wished he would be. It's the hot times that keep you holding on. You think if he could just be like this all the time. If he could just see how much I love him, if this, if that.

The fact of the matter is being in love with a man like this is emotionally exhausting. You hold onto how it was in the beginning and ignore how it is now. Fairy dust will not just sprinkle from the sky and transform the hot and cold man into a great partner. Nothing will transform these men into great partners. You are in love with his potential and focused on what could or should be and not what is.

If he was going to become a great partner, he would have already done so. Men don't just wake up one day more interested in you or all of a sudden in love. Men to fall in love have to think about you. A hot and cold man doesn't spend a lot of time thinking about you. Here is a hard truth about these men. His attraction for you is not that strong.

More times than not, men that blow hot and cold may not see you as his dream girl. A man would never blow hot and cold to his dream girl. He might lose her. If he blows hot and cold, you could be just an option for now until someone else comes along. A man who is a good partner would not do this to a woman he truly cares about. He would not lead her on and then disappear for days. He wouldn't call some days and go silent for others.

Some hot and cold men stay around for a long time before they disappear. I have seen men blow hot and cold for one woman and turn around and blow hot all the time for another woman. Are you the fall girl here or his dream girl?

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6511963

I read "Why He Disapeared" by Evan Mark Katz.
I have also read about 6 other self help/dating type books.
Katz's book was the best.
Very insightful. It helped me put so much in perspective, about the relationships in my life that have failed. It is very practical advice and easy to understand. I also have the audio version and have listened to it many times.

Kat's book is well worth the money!

Email from Dana after reading Why He Disappeared.

Just finished! I feel so more relaxed and calm right now. I feel empowered. The last 5 minutes were great. I really needed to hear what he had to say.

Okay girls I am posting about Why he Disappeared. I have had this ebook for several months.

The first time I read it I was not too sure about it, only because of this first off the bat statement : He disappeared because of the way you made him feel. BLAH I thought, this is garbarge.

With that being said I just "Skimmed" throught it.

Well let me tell you, after I have finally, let go, Letting God and getting my head out of "Confusion" I took it out again last night. I could NOT put it down. Awesome read I'll tell ya.

Today I can HONESTLY say I am GLAD he Disappeared.

Spunky

It has happened to all of us. We meet a man that sparks our interest, everything seems great and then suddenly he stops calling and he disappears. We are left wondering what did we do wrong. Was it something you said? Why did he disappear?

Once a man disappears, often the women who he disappeared on feels confused. She feels he led her on. He was calling, maybe even spending time with her. In her mind he was relationship material and things were progressing. The fact usually is this. In his mind he wasn't there yet.

Men often justify this disappearing act to themselves by telling themselves they never made any promises. They were just casually dating and there was no commitments. It's easier to disappear than to face the woman and tell her the truth. He is just not into you. It's an easy way out and we can scold him all day long, but it's just the way it is.

When you are wondering why he disappeared, it could be many things. Maybe you gave him signals of neediness or acted like a girlfriend too soon. If you started calling him, asking him questions, or expecting him to justify things to you such as where he was etc..., they you were acting like a girlfriend before he was ready to have you in that role. Guys really like a challenge and if you just fell into this role, this may be why he disappeared and stopped calling.

Another thing to remember is that often men have several options. You may not be the only girl he is showing his attention to. Often men will keep you on the back burner so to speak. They call you, text you, spend time here and there with you. This is to keep you interested enough so that you will remain an option. He is just buying time and having something to do until the one that knocks his socks off comes along. When he thinks he found her, he leaves you in the dust.

This is sad but true. If you think about it, you may have done the same thing. Or perhaps you liked one guy above all the others that were showing you interest. It makes it difficult to focus on the men you aren't so taken with when there is one that has you captivated. This happens to guys too. There is sometimes someone else on his mind that you have no idea about. It's not your fault. He disappears because in his mind, you aren't her.

The best thing to do when a guy stops calling or he disappears is nothing. There is no point in going after him or asking him why. If he isn't investing in you, there is no sense in investing in him. If you go after him and want or demand an explanation, you will just push him further away. Let him go. Most men resurface in time and then perhaps you can have another chance, or chances are, you won't want him anymore.