Will Belegon's Guy's Guide To Erotic Romance
I'm an erotic romance author and I've grown used to two things I shouldn't have: disdain and disbelief. And they are from both sides of the gender fence.
Guys look at me like I'm either foolish or lying. Then they form a couple of unspoken but very visible opinions. One: He must not be able to write about sports and Two: Maybe he's gay. When they find out I do write about sports and I actually get paid to do so, it confuses them. When they meet my children and see a picture of my sexy (and very female) significant other, it sends them into a whirlpool of stammered half-questions that start with "but" and end with "really?"
Women look at me like I am either an erotica writer trying to falsely re-title myself to trick my way through the door of their private club or like I am just so cute for attempting something I couldn't possibly succeed at. Then they tell me that if I am serious I should pick a female nom de plume and ask me to put on a kilt. Now, I like kilts and I do write erotica. But I find it genuinely annoying that for all their wailing and gnashing of teeth about how men won't try to be romantic, when they find one who will they want to put him in a skirt and give him a female name.
Yes, these are generalizations and no, not every person I meet falls prey to them. But it does show why I starting a page with this focus. I will occasionaly expound upon things within the Romance genre that guys just don't get. By doing so, I hope to help guys understand the books on their wife's nightstand and show gals that I do get it after all.
Guys look at me like I'm either foolish or lying. Then they form a couple of unspoken but very visible opinions. One: He must not be able to write about sports and Two: Maybe he's gay. When they find out I do write about sports and I actually get paid to do so, it confuses them. When they meet my children and see a picture of my sexy (and very female) significant other, it sends them into a whirlpool of stammered half-questions that start with "but" and end with "really?"
Women look at me like I am either an erotica writer trying to falsely re-title myself to trick my way through the door of their private club or like I am just so cute for attempting something I couldn't possibly succeed at. Then they tell me that if I am serious I should pick a female nom de plume and ask me to put on a kilt. Now, I like kilts and I do write erotica. But I find it genuinely annoying that for all their wailing and gnashing of teeth about how men won't try to be romantic, when they find one who will they want to put him in a skirt and give him a female name.
Yes, these are generalizations and no, not every person I meet falls prey to them. But it does show why I starting a page with this focus. I will occasionaly expound upon things within the Romance genre that guys just don't get. By doing so, I hope to help guys understand the books on their wife's nightstand and show gals that I do get it after all.
Guy's Guide: The Alpha Male
Or, "If I Did That, She Would Kill Me."
One of the primary confusions that spring into the male mind when they actually read one of those novels on the nightstand is due to the warped concept now known as "The Alpha Male."
The Alpha male is a sexy, strong, powerful badass that basically does everything we have been taught not to do and gets away with it. More than gets away with it, is rewarded for it.
Stealing kisses gets you slapped in real life. And that is if you are lucky enough not to get a knee to the groin. Hitting a guy that insults your girl gets you 1) possibly arrested 2) A bunch of bruises even if you win and 3) a girl who is yelling at you for being such a jerk.
The worst one for guys is the bit where the woman is getting slapped around and the "hero" comes over, grabs the dude doing the slapping and punches him. In a romance novel, this gets the woman fawning over your manly heroism. In real life, this gets the abused woman jumping on you to defend her man and distracting you while he gets himself off the ground and lines up a cheapshot.
And for all the women about to say it doesn't happen that way, I'm sorry. Yes, it does. In real life, interfering in someone's domestic dispute unites them against you. Ask a police officer.
This confuses men. The thing is, if you read author blogs or places like Romance Diva's, you will find it confuses women too. At least, the one's writing these books.
In my opinion, what has happened is that this Alpha Male concept has become a mockery of itself. A real Alpha Male is like the Brandon Frasier character in The Mummy. He automatically places himself in a position of responsibility for the environment around him and he reacts. He reacts with action. He does so decisively and without thought of the negative possible consequences, because he feels he will be able to accomplish the positive conclusion to his action.
THIS is the part that makes him a turn-on for so many women. The decisive action, the willingness to become involved and responsibility he accepts. That combination is a powerful one.
Unfortunately, many modern romance women, as written, mistake someone being a jerk for an "Alpha Male." We'll discuss that next time, when I talk about heroines that are, in the genre jargon, TSTL.
The Alpha male is a sexy, strong, powerful badass that basically does everything we have been taught not to do and gets away with it. More than gets away with it, is rewarded for it.
Stealing kisses gets you slapped in real life. And that is if you are lucky enough not to get a knee to the groin. Hitting a guy that insults your girl gets you 1) possibly arrested 2) A bunch of bruises even if you win and 3) a girl who is yelling at you for being such a jerk.
The worst one for guys is the bit where the woman is getting slapped around and the "hero" comes over, grabs the dude doing the slapping and punches him. In a romance novel, this gets the woman fawning over your manly heroism. In real life, this gets the abused woman jumping on you to defend her man and distracting you while he gets himself off the ground and lines up a cheapshot.
And for all the women about to say it doesn't happen that way, I'm sorry. Yes, it does. In real life, interfering in someone's domestic dispute unites them against you. Ask a police officer.
This confuses men. The thing is, if you read author blogs or places like Romance Diva's, you will find it confuses women too. At least, the one's writing these books.
In my opinion, what has happened is that this Alpha Male concept has become a mockery of itself. A real Alpha Male is like the Brandon Frasier character in The Mummy. He automatically places himself in a position of responsibility for the environment around him and he reacts. He reacts with action. He does so decisively and without thought of the negative possible consequences, because he feels he will be able to accomplish the positive conclusion to his action.
THIS is the part that makes him a turn-on for so many women. The decisive action, the willingness to become involved and responsibility he accepts. That combination is a powerful one.
Unfortunately, many modern romance women, as written, mistake someone being a jerk for an "Alpha Male." We'll discuss that next time, when I talk about heroines that are, in the genre jargon, TSTL.
My Work On Amazon
These are my books. Some of them are co-authored with my partner and one of them is a charity anthology I edited with her. I show you these to lend credibility to my words about knowing this subject, to provide a basis for future discussion if anyone actually reads this and in the hope that someone will see them and maybe buy one. I mean, I'm a professional. That means that in order to make any money, someone has to buy my books. Otherwise, I will soon be a banker again, cashing other peoples checks for them instead of cashing royalty checks of my own.
Step aside, NYT book reviewers...
This is, according to Squidoo, a review module. Do I like my books? Well, it depends on when you ask me.
When I just started them, they are the greatest thing I have ever written and they are going to be the one that hits the NY Times lists and rocket me to fame and fortune.
When I am dragging in the middle and I can't get the sub-plot reconciled with my view of the characters and how they would react, they frustrate me.
When I am at the end, on deadline and have paged through edits until my eyes burn, I hate them. I never want to see them again and I just want to go play Bioshock on the PS3 and kill things and pretend they are my book.
Then, when release date comes I love them all over again.
When I just started them, they are the greatest thing I have ever written and they are going to be the one that hits the NY Times lists and rocket me to fame and fortune.
When I am dragging in the middle and I can't get the sub-plot reconciled with my view of the characters and how they would react, they frustrate me.
When I am at the end, on deadline and have paged through edits until my eyes burn, I hate them. I never want to see them again and I just want to go play Bioshock on the PS3 and kill things and pretend they are my book.
Then, when release date comes I love them all over again.
The Worlds Latest Four Letter Word
(Although you can say Blog on television...for now...)
I write two blogs. One is a general outlet for most anything I am feeling and one is an entertainment review site to give me an outlet for my strong opinions about movies, television and video games so that my partner doesn't always have to listen to my rants.
I don't write about my sex life in my blogs. I save that for paid writing inspiration. This is not to say I have done or even fantasize about everything in my books. I'm just saying this because people seem to think that because I write erotic literature, I am always thinking or talking about sex.
This is false. Sometimes I think about baseball, or football. Or how good a carne asada burrito would taste right now. When I am sitting in the stands at a football game, cheering for my beloved Chargers, I am not thinking about sex. Well, not until the cheerleaders dance at halftime, anyway.
My blogs are at:
http://willbelegon.blogspot.com
http://thingsimademygirlfriendwatch.blogspot.com
I also will occasionally post on www.artistically-inclined.com or guest-blog at Phaze or pretty much anyplace that asks me to do so...
I don't write about my sex life in my blogs. I save that for paid writing inspiration. This is not to say I have done or even fantasize about everything in my books. I'm just saying this because people seem to think that because I write erotic literature, I am always thinking or talking about sex.
This is false. Sometimes I think about baseball, or football. Or how good a carne asada burrito would taste right now. When I am sitting in the stands at a football game, cheering for my beloved Chargers, I am not thinking about sex. Well, not until the cheerleaders dance at halftime, anyway.
My blogs are at:
http://willbelegon.blogspot.com
http://thingsimademygirlfriendwatch.blogspot.com
I also will occasionally post on www.artistically-inclined.com or guest-blog at Phaze or pretty much anyplace that asks me to do so...
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by willbelegon
Will Belegon is an author/editor of erotic and romantic novellas and short stories. His primary publisher is Phaze, but he also has work available fro... (more)
