Women Returners

Obviously, this time is to bond with and enjoy the children while they are young and to provide the necessary care, support, attention and love while savouring each developmental stage and watching the child become an independent little person. I was quite disappointed when on their first day at 'big school', my twins ran in to play without so much as a backwards glance!

However, this is also an ideal opportunity to take stock and consider a career change, perhaps with the help of a professional career counsellor. Why do you want to work - for money, interest, fulfilment, ambition? Do you want something temporary or something which can be developed and grown? Many women have spent so many years considering and tending to the needs of others, they neglect their own needs and aspirations, and completely forget who they are!

It is easy with time out to forget what you have to offer and to feel deskilled. With thorough self assessment to identify and remind yourself what you represent as a human resource; analysis of experience and transferable skills, (don't forget home and child management, budgeting and organisational skills, time management, and voluntary activities with the PTA!); and consideration of interests, values, natural strengths and talents, and personal qualities, you can decide what you wish to do, (perhaps now part-time or from home). Talking with an objective careers adviser can help you identify the way forward and remind you of your strengths and talents; family may mean well, but , 'You could do anything' or 'I'll support you in whatever you want to do' is not always that much help!

You might then need to study full-time - many universities have creche facilities, part-time or by distance learning, to acquire the necessary the qualifications or to update skills. There are both academic and vocational courses to suit every need and circumstance. Keep up to date through networking and reading relevant industry literature. Voluntary work experience can also lead to paid work, and updating a CV to create a compelling sales document can immediately boost your own confidence!

A part-time phased return may be the best initially...breaking you both in and not leading to so much angst and guilt. Be prepared to even be a little jealous of the carer, even where this is the husband or grandparent! All parents of children under six years, who have been employed continuously for 26 weeks, can request flexitime, which may help in sharing school runs with Dad.

Practically, try some trial runs. Leave the baby with the carer to get you both used to the separation. See how long the journey takes to childminder and then on to work....you do not want to be late first day back! Write a checklist of things you need to take to the carer (organise a bag the night before so that you are not scrabbling around in the morning....there is going to be enough to do just getting yourself and the baby ready to go!) Plan your wardrobe and work needs too. Being organised and prepared in advantage will be much less frantic and stressful!

Maternity leave is the time to do the showing off and for colleagues to coo, (but do only go in at lunchtime or at the end of the day so as to not disrupt their activities too much)! Let them know when you intend to return and perhaps negotiate a staged return.

Keep in touch with 'the office' to make sure that you are in the loop professionally. Once back, to ensure that you remain viewed as a serious contender for positions of responsibility, you should not be phoning the child-minder or bringing out the baby pics every five minutes. If someone asks, fine, but remain focused on the work and do not waste lots of time chatting about baby.

I made every effort to show that mums were as reliable as those without family commitments and to set a good example. However, you are only human and if you are not coping, and you are finding it all too much to juggle, do talk to your boss, spouse, friends and relatives to try to explore possibilities and enlist help! DO NOT TRY TO BE SUPER-HUMAN, YOU CANNOT BE EVERYWHERE FOR EVERYONE! In the words of a recent client, "I realised I could do anything, but I could not do everything!" Be prepared to ask for help.

Of course you have rights and ideally the employer should cut some slack, but if the work may involve unexpected overtime and additional hours, you should try as far as possible to accommodate. Employers should be understanding but realistically they have a business to run and they may not be able to risk giving an interesting and important project to someone who may be off because baby has the sniffles or who cannot put in that additional hour at the end of the day. Try to find friends, relatives, au pairs and partners who can provide this flexibility and additional or emergency cover.

Look the part. Turn up well-presented, business suited and well-groomed, and as far as possible bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Turning up dishevelled and bleary-eyed does not look professional however many times you may have had to get up in the night to a teething child. Colleagues will no doubt be sympathetic and that stage does not last forever, but they will not appreciate carrying you all the time or long term. Indeed, some childless colleagues may even resent any concessions afforded.

In a recent article in the Daily Mail, Anne McElvoy made some interesting points, following MP Louise Mensch's assertion that she could not stay long at the session because she had to collect her children (at 1.00pm!). Anne noted, "The real change since I had children has been dads taking seriously the stuff that women used to dash around doing alone. This is generally a blessing but it also means that female bosses who rarely took more than a few weeks off for their own children have to smile nicely while male colleagues take lengthy paternity leave and look virtuous about it". How true - women are criticised for letting family impact work, while men are admired for being good fathers and husbands!!