Do you wish to lead a more balanced, fulfilled life?
Many of us do.
Let me paint a picture for you of what an unbalanced life looks by telling you my story.
I helped start a business with one partner and within seven years it was one of the largest and most profitable firms in its market with over 150 employees.
You'd think I'd be proud of what I'd accomplished, and I was, but… I was working crazy-long 15-hour days, I was stressed to the point of living on Maalox, and oh man, did I live for the weekends!
Unfortunately, weekends were growing shorter and shorter with long plane commutes home on Friday nights and a briefcase-full of work I had to start cranking on by Sunday afternoon.
I was 33 years old, in the prime of life, and I could not foresee any slowing down on the horizon. I was just starting to mature as a businessman, just starting to "get it." In many professions, I would have been considered a kid. It didn't matter that I was overworked and overstressed--getting out, retiring, or just downsizing the business was out of the question.
In fact, we did the opposite. My partners and I grew our business into a global operation. Within a year, I was flying from O'Hare or Milwaukee to New York every Sunday evening, where I slept in an apartment in Manhattan and worked Monday and Tuesday in New York, including entertaining clients and co-workers for dinner on Monday evenings. On many Tuesday nights, I'd catch an overnight flight to London; work a full day, never seeing much more than the airport, the inside of a cab, and a conference room. Then I'd fly back to New York Wednesday night, work Thursday and Friday in New York and return home late Friday night, usually well after dinner.
I was completely and utterly trashed by the time I got home to my wife and kids. Here they were, energetic and happy to see me, and I was a zombie. I had nothing left for them—I was always thinking about work or getting to work, so I could never just enjoy the precious few moments I had with may family.
This went on for almost a year and a half until the company we partnered with was purchased by another and we were afforded the chance to go on our way. After a year-and-a-half of weekly global commutes and insane work hours, I was fed up. I realized my life was out of control. I made a plan to get out of the rat-race, I implemented it and my wife and I moved to Wisconsin for a slower and quieter life.
I am not alone. All over the country, hard-driving business people are realizing that they're missing out on being with their partners and kids…and that's time you will never get back because kids grow up quickly and before you know it, they're out of the house and off to college.
The new priority is time spent with family. TIME is the new currency. This means we must correct the life balance predicament that we've gotten ourselves into.
The problem exists because of the misguided popular belief that devotion to your work and your career at the expense of yourself and your family is the only route to success.
But that's just simply not true.
My Life is Unbalanced - So What?!
So it may be causing unnecesarry stress and burnout.
Do one or more of the following descriptions define who you are, or feel yourself becoming, in response to today's rapidly changing world?
No matter who you are, where you've been or where you're headed, there is always room for change - a new perspective and a new plan to define what's most important to you and keep everything in balance.
Do one or more of the following descriptions define who you are, or feel yourself becoming, in response to today's rapidly changing world?
- The workaholic or prisoner of success, your plate is overflowing and you always want to take on more. Yet, you have little or no time for a private life. You are so busy running around that you constantly feel scattered and overwhelmed.
- A person who can't say "no", you are constantly pulled in every direction. At work, you're overly burdened; at home, you're overly booked. Setting boundaries remains a challenge and your health and well-being is beginning to suffer because of this.
- As one who "settled" in their professional life, you are complacent and/or mildly satisfied with what's going on at work, but you realize that the work isn't your true passion. In your eyes, you traded your dreams for a guarantee of comfort and security. Sometimes you wonder what "might have been," had life taken a different course.
- Regretful for the moments you missed, you now realize that you can never recapture the times you sacrificed with those who mean the most to you. You want to tell the young people of today to slow down, be mindful of their actions, guard their dreams and remember that "family and health always come first."
No matter who you are, where you've been or where you're headed, there is always room for change - a new perspective and a new plan to define what's most important to you and keep everything in balance.
Myth: You Can Have it All and Do it All
Turn on the TV or the radio, or pick up any newspaper or magazine, and you'll fall prey to a form of systematic and repeated societal conditioning posing in one corner as promotional marketing (commercial advertising and infomercials) and popular culture in the other (in the case of morning "news" shows and Hollywood tabloid programs). You'll be told what you should look like - what to wear, what to eat, and what to use on your body for personal hygiene and attraction. You'll be instructed on what to drive, where to live, and where to be seen. You'll be trained on what is expected of you and what to fear.
Taken individually, we all recognize these to be unrealistic, empty promises. When bombarded on every front, however, we begin to believe the notion that we can have everything we want and that we can do everything we want to if only we accomplish what's expected of us. We become increasingly convinced that we can have our cake and eat it, too. On top of all this, we're sold on the idea that this is what a balanced life should look like.
But this is a myth. We've been sold a bill of goods, and we bought it willingly.
The reality is this: We simply can't have it all and do it all. We aren't superheroes. We cannot give ourselves to everything we want to, nor can we give ourselves at all times to each and every part of our lives. We can't give all of ourselves to our careers (working 9, 10, or more hours a day) and expect to be full of energy and attention in our private lives for our families, our friends, and ourselves.
Many of us go further than that, feeling that we have to contribute our time to virtually everything (further believing what we've come to believe is expected of us), trusting that we're achieving something only when we're running from one responsibility to the next, only to come up for a breath of air on the weekends. We feel that we have to be valued contributors at work, home, with friends, and in our communities, and all at the same time!
What inevitably happens is that we get so busy doing things that we lose sight of what we're doing and why we're doing it. We run from one commitment or obligation to the next attempting to have it all and do it all and we forget to look after our own needs and the needs of those around us. We become so all-consumed by doing things that we fail to experience life itself. We forget we're human beings, not human doings.
Taken individually, we all recognize these to be unrealistic, empty promises. When bombarded on every front, however, we begin to believe the notion that we can have everything we want and that we can do everything we want to if only we accomplish what's expected of us. We become increasingly convinced that we can have our cake and eat it, too. On top of all this, we're sold on the idea that this is what a balanced life should look like.
But this is a myth. We've been sold a bill of goods, and we bought it willingly.
The reality is this: We simply can't have it all and do it all. We aren't superheroes. We cannot give ourselves to everything we want to, nor can we give ourselves at all times to each and every part of our lives. We can't give all of ourselves to our careers (working 9, 10, or more hours a day) and expect to be full of energy and attention in our private lives for our families, our friends, and ourselves.
Many of us go further than that, feeling that we have to contribute our time to virtually everything (further believing what we've come to believe is expected of us), trusting that we're achieving something only when we're running from one responsibility to the next, only to come up for a breath of air on the weekends. We feel that we have to be valued contributors at work, home, with friends, and in our communities, and all at the same time!
What inevitably happens is that we get so busy doing things that we lose sight of what we're doing and why we're doing it. We run from one commitment or obligation to the next attempting to have it all and do it all and we forget to look after our own needs and the needs of those around us. We become so all-consumed by doing things that we fail to experience life itself. We forget we're human beings, not human doings.
Reality: We Can't Have Everything and Do Everything
We'll all be better off if we do ourselves a simple favor by disavowing ourselves of the perception that we can achieve everything if only we labor hard enough and long enough. Once we've accepted that, we can get on with the business at hand, that of creating a lifestyle for ourselves that is balanced, or if you prefer, choosing the life that we want.
Sounds overly simplistic, you say? On the contrary - in its simplicity lies its beauty. The key is to create a lifestyle we want that doesn't necessitate the monstrous expenditures of time, energy, and effort that we used trying to fulfill someone else's ideal of balance. The goal is to choose to define what our lives should look like - a way of life that doesn't require all of our strength and ability to maintain.
How do we go about designing this new life for ourselves?
Sounds overly simplistic, you say? On the contrary - in its simplicity lies its beauty. The key is to create a lifestyle we want that doesn't necessitate the monstrous expenditures of time, energy, and effort that we used trying to fulfill someone else's ideal of balance. The goal is to choose to define what our lives should look like - a way of life that doesn't require all of our strength and ability to maintain.
How do we go about designing this new life for ourselves?
- First, we step back and objectively look at what's going on in our lives.
- Second, we define what a balanced life looks like to us.
- Third, we determine what's most important to us.
- Fourth, we take action to attain those things.
What a Balanced Life Looks Like
Here's what my balanced life now looks like: I run my own small business from home, and I only own one home. I work a reasonable schedule - no more 80 or 90 or 100 hour weeks. When I travel, it's well-planned, with time for myself-it's NOT to put out fires.
My wife and I have dinner together almost every night. Although our children are in college now, we spend time together. We travel to see our kids at school. When the kids came home over Christmas break, I took my daughter to lunch and breakfast several times, we rented some DVDs together, and hung out with her boyfriend and her friends. We celebrated my son's birthday with a party, we had a great bowl game party, and my son and I sat down and had a long talk about a book he'd read.
All the while I continue to learn and grow by visiting with close friends, sitting in on teleclasses, writing, and reading at least a book a week. That's how I define a balanced life.
My wife and I have dinner together almost every night. Although our children are in college now, we spend time together. We travel to see our kids at school. When the kids came home over Christmas break, I took my daughter to lunch and breakfast several times, we rented some DVDs together, and hung out with her boyfriend and her friends. We celebrated my son's birthday with a party, we had a great bowl game party, and my son and I sat down and had a long talk about a book he'd read.
All the while I continue to learn and grow by visiting with close friends, sitting in on teleclasses, writing, and reading at least a book a week. That's how I define a balanced life.
Your Personal Journey
Find a Support System
For most people, a good support system is key. However, many individuals and professionals who have purposefully set out on the path of achieving life balance may find themselves very alone - even if they have strong relationships with family and friends. Why is this?
Often, when we embark upon a new journey into uncharted territory, we're met with opposition and adversity from our loved ones rather than understanding and support. Even though most of our loved ones have a real concern for our happiness and well-being, as well as our "best interests at heart," they may not understand what we're going through. In an attempt to be "realistic" or "practical," they tell us why we can't or shouldn't try to change our lives or try to accomplish new and different things to improve our situation. As a result, instead of being supported, we are held back by the very ones we turned to for support in the first place.
Although defining and achieving life balance is completely up to you and is your own responsibility, you may be wondering about finding a support system outside the limiting circle of your existing family and friends. Where can you look for help?
Often, when we embark upon a new journey into uncharted territory, we're met with opposition and adversity from our loved ones rather than understanding and support. Even though most of our loved ones have a real concern for our happiness and well-being, as well as our "best interests at heart," they may not understand what we're going through. In an attempt to be "realistic" or "practical," they tell us why we can't or shouldn't try to change our lives or try to accomplish new and different things to improve our situation. As a result, instead of being supported, we are held back by the very ones we turned to for support in the first place.
Although defining and achieving life balance is completely up to you and is your own responsibility, you may be wondering about finding a support system outside the limiting circle of your existing family and friends. Where can you look for help?
Your Personal Support System
Take heart: you need not despair or give up. Even if you don't have a support system in place, and if your family friends simply don't understand what life balance is all about and why achieving it is so important to you, there is someone you can turn to for support.
I can be with you through the life balance transitions, every step of the way. I will support you personally as you embark upon your own unique life balance adventure.
If you'd like to do some prep wok on your own in the mean time, I've written a guidebook for you to travel through. Read the Forward here.
Even if you find I'm not your cup of tea, please find someone who is.
I can be with you through the life balance transitions, every step of the way. I will support you personally as you embark upon your own unique life balance adventure.
If you'd like to do some prep wok on your own in the mean time, I've written a guidebook for you to travel through. Read the Forward here.
Even if you find I'm not your cup of tea, please find someone who is.
I Invite You to Take the Next Step
In your time ahead, you'll discover that you hold the key to achieving a fulfilling, meaningful, truly enjoyable and well-balanced life.
Everything you need to discover and define your own true work-life balance is within yourself, waiting to be found.
Whether you choose to embark upon your journey with me or with the aid of my guidebook, you will discover:
... and much more.
The choice is yours: where do you want to go next?
Everything you need to discover and define your own true work-life balance is within yourself, waiting to be found.
Whether you choose to embark upon your journey with me or with the aid of my guidebook, you will discover:
- What you may be holding onto in your life unnecessarily. You may be just 'putting up' with certain things that drain you of your energy and derail you from your intentions and purpose. Find out what you can do to rid these energy-drainers from your life.
- What a balanced and meaningful life looks like to you. Often, it isn't obvious to us. We may need some kind of trigger to bring our true beliefs to the surface in order to focus on them in more detail.
- How to create your own unique work-life balance. Discover what really means the most to you in both your professional and personal worlds. Then, learn to achieve balance between the two.
- How to break through the 'shoulds' and focus more on the 'wants' in your life. Forget what others are doing or thinking, be who you are and live who you are... and do it without guilt, pain, struggle or resistance!
- How to take back control of your life. You are the driver on your journey of life.
... and much more.
The choice is yours: where do you want to go next?
Not Sure If Coaching Is For You?
Read what the International Coach Federation (ICF), the oldest and largest professional association of coaches, has to say.
The goal of the ICF is to be the global forum for the art and science of coaching, to inspire transformational conversations, advocate excellence and expand the awareness of the contribution coaching is to the future of humankind.
The short-version of the ICF Mission Statementis "To advance the art, science and practice of professional coaching."
The goal of the ICF is to be the global forum for the art and science of coaching, to inspire transformational conversations, advocate excellence and expand the awareness of the contribution coaching is to the future of humankind.
The short-version of the ICF Mission Statementis "To advance the art, science and practice of professional coaching."
What is Coaching?
The International Coach Fedreation's definition of coaching:
Coaching is partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential.
- ICF Coaching Definition
- International Coaching Federation definition of Coaching
FAQ About Coaching
International Coach Federation (ICF) Answers 13 Questions
1. What Is Coaching?
2. What are the benefits of coaching?
3. How can you determine if coaching is right for you?
4. What are some typical reasons someone might work with a coach?
5. What has caused the tremendous growth in the coaching industry?
6. How is coaching delivered? What does the process look like?
7. What should someone look for when selecting a coach?
8. How long does a coach work with an individual?
9. How do you ensure a compatible partnership?
10. Within the partnership, what does the coach do? The individual?
11. How can the success of the coaching process be measured?
12. What are the factors that should be considered when looking at the financial investment in coaching?
13. How is coaching distinct from other service professions?
2. What are the benefits of coaching?
3. How can you determine if coaching is right for you?
4. What are some typical reasons someone might work with a coach?
5. What has caused the tremendous growth in the coaching industry?
6. How is coaching delivered? What does the process look like?
7. What should someone look for when selecting a coach?
8. How long does a coach work with an individual?
9. How do you ensure a compatible partnership?
10. Within the partnership, what does the coach do? The individual?
11. How can the success of the coaching process be measured?
12. What are the factors that should be considered when looking at the financial investment in coaching?
13. How is coaching distinct from other service professions?
- ICF Answers Here
- ICF Coaching FAQ
Coaching Code of Ethics
International Coach Federation (ICF) Code of Ethics for Coaches
Do any of the following sound familiar?
- Ever wish there were more hours in the day?
- Noticing yourself becoming more and more exhausted?
- Never feel energized enough to do the things you want to do?
- Wish you could do more of what you want rather than what you should?
- Feel held back from achieving your true potential?
- Want to break free from the "shoulds" and start living those "what-ifs"?
- Feel your family is several separate units rather than one strong entity?
- Wish there could be more enjoyable moments as a family?
- Feel like there are changes that need to be made but not sure how to go about making them?
- Feel defined by what you do rather than who you are?
- Sick of missing out on family life because of work?
- Find yourself living to work rather than working to live?
- Annoyed that success seems to come at the sacrifice of your personal life?
- Stretched in all directions?
- Unable to do what you really want?
- Working harder just to get by?
- Wish there was a way to find a more balanced lifestyle?
If so, you may benefit from a professional coaching relationship.
Wnat Not Every Coach Will Tell You .....
Nobody Absolutely Needs Coaching.
What I will tell you, however, is that anybody can benefit from a coaching partnership.
Anybody who enters into a coaching relationship has made a commitment - they've invested in a process to learn and to grow - to somehow better themselves through achieving a goal, overcoming an obstacle, and/or opening their minds to a new way of thinking.
Anyone who embarks upon that journey truly values themselves and will gain immensely from a coaching relationship.
Read a short paragraph about "How Do I Know If I Need A Coach?" on About.com here.
What I will tell you, however, is that anybody can benefit from a coaching partnership.
Anybody who enters into a coaching relationship has made a commitment - they've invested in a process to learn and to grow - to somehow better themselves through achieving a goal, overcoming an obstacle, and/or opening their minds to a new way of thinking.
Anyone who embarks upon that journey truly values themselves and will gain immensely from a coaching relationship.
Read a short paragraph about "How Do I Know If I Need A Coach?" on About.com here.
What Types of People Benefit From Coaching?
- Anyone who feels ready, willing, and able to have an objective, earnestly devoted, and enthusiastic supporter for their ultimate vision.
- People longing for something more in their lives.
- People for whom standing still and waiting is no longer a viable option.
- People ready to make a change but aren't quite sure what's possible.
- People who are passionate about life and want to enlarge every occasion to live it.
- People somewhere in midstream and those wanting to change direction in life to pursue their aspirations.
- Individuals determined to plot their own destinies, discover their true passions, and fulfill their true objectives in life.
- Imaginative and inspired people looking for ways to focus their creativity and vision.
- People who are seemingly so busy that they feel overwhelmed.
Read "How Can A Coach Help?" from About.com.
Articles on Work-Life and Work-Family Balance
By Reflections Coaching LLC
Life Balance: What is it?- Is it possible to have it all and do it all?
- Is striving to live a balanced life an impossible goal?
Balance Your Life Simply By Changing Your Attitudes and Beliefs- Entrepreneurs and small business owners need to take ownership of work-life balance discussion
How to "Win" the Balance Battle
Life Balance for Home-Based Business Owners
Pushing the Edge of Life Balance
Setting Goals for Life Balance
Work Life Balance for Women
Work Life Balance for Men
Your Life Might Be Unbalanced If...
7 Ways to Balance Your Life
Uncovering Your Passion
Sometimes Balance Is About Figuring Out What DOESN'T Work
Being vs. Doing
Old Creeds Vs. New Creeds
Syndicate David B.Bohl's articles on your site! Fast, Easy & Free!
Lifestyle and Workstyle REFLECTIONS
Reflections on Work-Life and Work-Family Balance from Reflections Coaching LLC
Fetching RSS feed... please stand byMore Articles on Work-Life and Work-Family Balance
By Various Authors
- Stop the Madness? from Entrepreneur.com
- Dual-Centric: A New Concept of Work Life from the Families and Work Institute
- Work-Life Balance from Washingtonpost.com
- A Living or a Life? from FastCompany.com
- In Control from Entrepreneur.com
- My Name is Tony, and I'm a Workaholic from FastCompany.com
- More Women Find Flexible Work Schedules from Inc.com
- Take a Breather from Entrepreneur.com
- Work-life balance: Ways to restore harmony and reduce stress from The Mayo Clinic
- 6 Ways to Simplify Your Life from FastCompany.com
- Just To-Do It from Entrepreneur.com
The Ultimate Question: How do YOU Define YOUR Balanced Life?
Don't try to adopt someone else's ideal of balance for yourself.
We cannot allow someone else to tell us what life balance should mean to us, nor can we fall into the trap of trying to mirror someone else's version of the perfectly balanced life. What we can do is create our own definitions of balanced lives and live them!
What does Life Balance mean to you?
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Great Reading ...
The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book)
Amazon Price: $10.36 (as of 07/26/2008)
A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose
Amazon Price: $11.20 (as of 07/26/2008)
This Time I Dance!: Creating the Work You Love
Amazon Price: $10.17 (as of 07/26/2008)
Harvard Business Review on Work and Life Balance (Harvard Business Review Paperback Series)
Amazon Price: $13.57 (as of 07/26/2008)
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Read about Reflections Coaching and David B. Bohl on the blog REFLECTIONS on Balance.
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Read More About Reflections Coaching.
Read about Reflections Coaching and David B. Bohl on the blog REFLECTIONS on Balance.
Experience coaching for yourself with a FREE, no obligation 30 minute consultation
