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Dragging the line
Overheard @Work
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Another day, another dollar
So here we are again, back at Monday, square one. Hey, it's not all that bad. You could work where some of the comics below have. Take it from them, their gigs were no laughing matter.
I used to work in a fire-hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.--Steven Wright
I used to work in an office. They're always so mean to the new girl in the office. "Oh, Caroline, you're new? You have lunch at 9:30."--Caroline Rhea
Celebrities... on Work
Today's gems come from the bestest heiress ever, Paris Hilton. Enjoy!
"Wal-mart... do they like make walls there?"
"What's a soup kitchen?"
Readin' and Writin'
Read these and other funny true stories in the November issue of Reader's Digest.My wife, a professor of medicine, has published five books. After she'd written her last one, I stopped at a market to buy some chocolate and champagne.
"Are you celebrating something?" asked the clerk.
"Yes," I replied. "My wife just finished a book."
He paused a moment. "Slow reader?"
--Dennis Dook
A recent college graduate eager to put his degree to work, my brother began looking for a writing job. After faxing off an application, he decided to reread the document. The very first line read, "I good at writing."
--Katie St. Hilaire
Happy Hump Day
Seriously, who invented that phrase? "Hump day." Say it out loud without sounding like a moron. I can't. Anyway, we've made it to Wednesday and that's a good thing. To help us survive the next 36 hours, here's a picture of a weird yawning cat. Now I don't know this cat personally or have a clue what it's next to, but it scares me. It scares me more than work!
What a Ham
My first job was wrapping hams at a meat-packing plant. One day, I was heading out the main gate right behind a woman who was rather rotund. Or so I thought. Just as she passed the guard shack, a ham dropped from her skirt. Before the guard could react, she wheeled around shouting, "All right, who threw the ham?"--Roger Schoen
Quote of the Day
I work for myself, which is fun. Except for when I call in sick--I know I'm lying.--Rita Rudner
Hell is Better Than Your Job
Here's why:Your coffee stays hot all day!
Never have to look very far to find the legal department.
In Hell, you *know* who drank your Coke in the fridge -- Satan!
30% fewer "Dilbert" cartoons in the break room.
In Hell, that devil-may-care attitude of yours comes in handy.
You get to spend more time with your spouse now.
No more wondering if the boss hates you.
Riding to work in a hand basket beats public transportation.
Source: Top5.com
Dirty Work
Although desperate for work, I passed on a job that I'd found on an employment website. It was for a wastewater plant operator. Among the job requirements: "Must be able to swim."--Michael Leamons
Quote of the Day
I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
--Jerome K. Jerome
Grumpy Old Men
I work at a store manned by grumpy old men. One day, a ray of light showed up in the form of a cheerful young customer. She was chatty and charming and left the store gushing."How lucky we are to be alive!" she announced before the door closed.
"Wow! She was certainly jovial," I remarked to a coworker.
"Yeah," he agreed. "I didn't like her either."
--Duane Boeve
Get down it's Monday
Punching the Clock
TEMPorary Insanity
And as it turns out, things can get fairly hazardous. Like if you accidentally start a fire, for instance.
http://notmydesk.com/essays/fired.html
Grammar School
To get my unemployment checks, I had to attend a workshop for job seekers. I decided to pass on the English-as-a-second-language seminar after the teacher explained it was for those of us who "do not feel their English is that good or would just like it to be more stronger."--Brad Zukowski
Help Desk
Picture Imperfect
--Diane Stevens
Bored @Work?
Then pick up a hilarious book.
The Funny Book of Work (The funny book of series)
Amazon Price: (as of 11/08/2009) 
Pains in the Office: 50 People You Absolutely, Definitely Must Avoid at Work!
Amazon Price: $13.22 (as of 11/08/2009)
This Is the Part Where You Pretend to Add Value: A Dilbert Book (Dilbert Book Collections Graphi)
Amazon Price: $9.16 (as of 11/08/2009)
Office Phonics: Corporate Dictionary for Today's Middle Manager
Amazon Price: (as of 11/08/2009)
Animal Crackers
"Can I purchase frogs for my new pond here?" a customer asked at our garden center."You don't buy frogs," I explained. "They just sort of choose where they live, then turn up."
"Right... " agreed the gentleman. "And is the same true with fish?"
--Samantha Davis
Scene: the bookstore where I work.
Dramatis personae: a father and his son.
Son: "Dad, does it really tell you how?"
Father: "how to what, son?"
Son: "How to kill a mockingbird?"
--Theresa Fine-Pawsey
by rdandy
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