Background Information Worth Knowing About Condolence Notes 

There may be times and circumstances when you prefer expressing your sympathy in a short note or selecting and sending a beautiful card to send with a hand written note instead of a writing out a longer formal condolence letter. In these situations you can write a brief personal note on commercial condolence card or insert a brief hand-written note into a hand-crafted card.

When sending a sympathy card, I like to make a special card or take care in selecting a card with a soothing image.

My mother selects one of the photographs she has taken and sends one of her beautiful hand-made photograph cards as her own a personal touch to a condolence note.

Image Source:
Elaine Broskie. Sympathy Card. Some Rights Reserved. Creative Commons.

How Do You Send Condolences? 

Send a Meaningful Gift to a Grieving Person 

The Condolence Note is a Touching Gift

Bereaved people say that condolence notes or sympathy letters from friends and family are some of their most meaningful mementos of a difficult time. These notes and letters become tangible reminder that can be held and touched, of friends and family who cared about their loved one and about them.

The bereaved person may re-read the letters of condolence over again days, weeks or years after the loss any time they want to feel the support.
Re-reading the condolence notes is a way to re-experience the loving thoughts and tender memories written by caring friends during a time of great sorrow.

Image Source:
Simon Grossi. Dad is Reading. Some Rights Reserved. Creative Commons.

Condolence Note or Letter - Which to Send? 

Reasons to Write a Condolence Note 

1. Condolence notes are reminders that the loved one had people who cared for and love him or her.
2. Condolence notes show your concern and that you care.
3. Condolence notes help with the grieving process and the healing process.
4. Condolence notes may become treasured mementos that are passed down through the family.
5. In the business world a condolence note is a way of telling someone that they matter as a human being.

Create Your Own Sympathy Cards 

I find being able to do something creative with my hands during a difficult time can help me cope with the situation.

With a few stamps and some blank cards, you can easily create your own sympathy card or condolence note.

Thoughts, Prayers, and Sympathy Wood Mounted Rubber Stamp

Thoughts, prayers and deepest sympathy stamp

Amazon Price: (as of 10/12/2008)

Sympathy in loss of pet Rubber Stamp

With sympathy in the loss of your beloved pet stamp

Amazon Price: $7.00 (as of 10/12/2008)

Rainbow Bridge Sympathy Text Rubber Stamp - Wood Mounted

Rainbow Bridge Poem Text Sympathy on the Loss of a Pet

Amazon Price: $12.00 (as of 10/12/2008)

Create Your Own Sympathy Card from Amazon 

A collection of Crane & Co. classic bordered stationery cards in soothing sympathetic colors.

Pearl White Notes with Re...

White Bordered Wedgewood...

Ecruwhite Notes with Rege...

Kona Bordered Dusty Rose...

Wasabi Green Bordered Ecr...

Old Condolence Notes on Flickr 

A collection of sympathy cards and note that were saved by the recipient as mementos of the death of a loved one and support of dear friends.

The Importance of Sympathy Cards as Keepsakes 

Beyond First Impressions: Sympathy cards

Jennifer shares her thoughts on keeping and re-reading old Sympathy cards in her Beyond First Impressions blog.

Parts of a Condolence Letter or a Note 

More Articles on Writing a Condolence Note or Letter 

Writing a Condolence Card: How to Write a Sympathy Card or Condolence Note for a Loss Survivor

Handwritten Sympathy Notes and Condolence Cards are a very important of the grieving and healing processes for those who have lost a loved one.

Writing a Condolence Letter: How to Write a Sympathy Letter or Condolence Letter for a Loss

Sending your condolences or sympathies in a letter following a death is a very old tradition that is still very beneficial for the person who has lost a loved one.

The Art of Condolence in the Amazon Spotlight 

The Art of Condolence: What to Write, What to Say, What to Do at a Time of Loss

by Leonard M. Zunin, Hilary Stanton Zunin

Amazon Price: $11.86 (as of 10/12/2008)

A classic book about how to write Condolence letters.

This is one of the grief books that I have in my own personal collection.

Ways to Close a Sympathy Card or Letter 

Condolence Cards and Sympathy Cards on Amazon 

Set/6 In Sympathy Message...

Ecruwhite Notes with Blac...

In Sympathy Message Cards...

Sympathy Note Cards - Ant...

Set/6 In Sympathy Message...

A Lens on How to Write a Condolence Letter 

How to Write a Condolence Letter

Finding the right words to write a condolence letter or sympathy note may be challenging, yet the benefits can be immeasurable. A well-written, heart-felt condolence letter is a show of your support and sympathy for the person grieving the death of a...

Books about Writing a Condolence Note 

Words for when there are No Words: Writing a Memorable Condolence Note

by Deborah R. Chappa

Amazon Price: (as of 10/12/2008)

My Deepest Sympathies...: Meaningful Sentiments for Condolence Notes and Conversations, Plus a Guide to Eulogies

by Florence Isaacs

Amazon Price: $12.24 (as of 10/12/2008)

Easy Eloquence: Sample Thank You Notes and Sympathy Cards For Every Occasion

by Sharon Paskoff

Amazon Price: $12.95 (as of 10/12/2008)

When Words Matter Most: Thoughtful Words and Deeds to Express Just the Right Thing at Just the Right Time

by Robyn Freedman Spizman

Amazon Price: $11.20 (as of 10/12/2008)

The Art of the Handwritten Note: A Guide to Reclaiming Civilized Communication

by Margaret Shepherd

Amazon Price: $10.88 (as of 10/12/2008)

Condolence Cards and Sympathy Cards on Flickr 

A collection of Condolence and Sympathy Cards used to send condolences.

Examples of Condolence Notes & Sympathy Cards 

1. Example of a Condolence Note for a Sudden Death
2. Example of a Condolence Note/Letter for a Military Death
3. Example of a Condolence Note for the Death of a Baby
4. Example of a Condolence Note for the Death of a Child
5. Example of Condolence Notes from a Child
6. Example of a Condolence Note for the Death of a Pet
7. Example of a Condolence Note for a Business Colleague

Writing Condolence Notes after a Sudden Death 

A sudden death occurs without any forewarning; it is unanticipated. A traumatic death, in addition to being sudden, can also be violent, mutilating or destructive.

The sudden death can be random and/or preventable or may involve many deaths.

A sudden, accidental, unexpected or traumatic death shatters the world as we know it. It is often a loss that does not make any sense. In an instance the lives of the survivors are changed forever.

Sending your support and sympathies to shaken survivors of a sudden death becomes very beneficial in the healing process.

Source: Dan Mitchell. Old Wreck. Royalty Free Use.

Example of a Condolence Note for a Sudden Death 

1. Acknowledge the loss.
   
   Example:
   
   Dear ___________
   
   I was deeply saddened to hear the news about Jeff's sudden death.
   
   
2. Express your sympathy.
   
   Example:
   
   My thoughts are with you, your children and your family during this difficult time. I am still in a state of shock from the news.
   
   
3. Note special qualities of the deceased.
   
   Example:
   
   I remember Jeff's calmness, level headedness and dry sense of humor. I also remember how supportive he was to all of us during those crazy times. I will miss him.
   
   
4. End with a thoughtful word, quote or phrase.
   
   Example:
   
   I think of Jeff when I hear Josh Groban's Lyrics "To Where You Are"
   
   
   Fly me up
   To where you are
   Beyond the distant star
   
   I know you're there
   A breath away's not far
   To where you are
   
   
   Holding you in my thoughts.
   
   Your signature ____________
   
   

A Video Sympathy Card for Virginia Tech 

Example of a Condolence Note/Letter for a Military Death 

1. Acknowledge the loss.
   
   Example:
   
   Dear ___________
   
   On behalf of the Battalion # (Squadron #, the Ship, Regiment #) ________, I wish to convey our deepest sympathy to you upon the death of your husband, __________.
   
   
2. Express your sympathy.
   
   Example:
   
   I extend my condolences to you and your family.
   
   
3. Note special qualities of the deceased.
   
   Example:
   
   During ________'s many years of service in the ________, he distinguished himself among his co-workers and supervisors with his pleasant, enthusiastic manner and continuing high-quality performance.
   
   He was a valued member of our Battalion (Squadron, the Ship, Regiment) and you can be justly proud of his contributions.
   
   His friends and co-workers remember him with respect and admiration and he will be missed by all.
   
   
4. End with a thoughtful word, quote or phrase.
   
   (The Military may be one of the few places where the fairly formal closure "Sincerely" is used.)
   
   Example:
   
   I hope that time and memories will help lessen the burden of your sorrow, and that you may draw some measure of comfort knowing that others care and share in your loss.
   
   Sincerely,
   
   Your signature ____________
   
   

Good Grief Cards in the Amazon Spotlight 

Good Grief Cards: Support Group in a Box

Amazon Price: $12.95 (as of 10/12/2008)

These Good Grief Cards are helpful for anyone coping with a loss.

They combine thoughtful insights on grief from real people with suggestions to help during the grieving process.

More Articles on Writing Sympathy Notes after a Sudden Death 

Expressing sympathy: Cards, gifts, and their importance

A Helium article on "How to Comfort a Friend After the Death of Someone Close" by Jeanne Dininni that includes suggestions for coping with a sudden death.

Sample of Condolence Letter

A sample document of a condolence letter from the First Army website.

Guidelines for Writing Letters of Condolence

From the Counseling Center at Keene State College, an article on Writing Condolence letters that includes a section on sudden death.

Writing a Condolence Note for the Death of a Child or Baby 

The death of a child, no matter what age, is always a difficult loss for parents to bear. Since many parents see children as an extension of themself, the death of a child is the death of hopes and dreams for the future.

The death of a child disrupts the natural order of thing in which grandparents die before parents and parents die before their children.

1. The way that a child has died affects the type of grief that the parent experiences. Parents may grieve very differently over the death of a stillbirth, a baby, a sudden unexpected death or a prolonged illness.
2. Guilt and anger are especially pronounced emotions following the death of a child.
3. Parents are likely to go through the "What if's" and "If only's."
4. A child's death is a challenge to every marriage.
5. The father's grief may be hidden, downplayed or ignored.
6. Siblings and grandparents also mourn the death of the child, in addition to the parents.
7. Families often struggle to make sense of the death of a child.

Example of a Condolences for the Death of a Baby 

1. Acknowledge the loss.
   
   Dear __________,
   
   I was saddened to hear of the sudden loss of your baby.
   
   I know you have been excitedly planning for her arrival which is making the day you say "Hello" be the same as the day that you say "Good-bye," be even more difficult.
   
   
2. Express your sympathy.
   
   I am thinking about you during this difficult time and sending my heartfelt sympathy.
   
   
3. Note special qualities of the deceased or the bereaved.
   
   I have seen you handle challenges in the past and wish you the strength to make it through this difficult period.
   
   
4. End with a thoughtful word or phrase.
   
   Holding you in my thoughts,
   
   Your signature ____________
   
   

Dear Parents in the Amazon Spotlight 

Dear Parents: Letters to Bereaved Parents

Amazon Price: $7.95 (as of 10/12/2008)

A collection of letters to bereaved parents written by bereaved parents from the Centering Corporation, well-known leaders in the bereavement field.

This is a helpful gift for newly bereaved families.

Example Condolence Note for the Death of a Child 

1. Acknowledge the loss and name the deceased.
   
   Dear ______,
   
   We are so saddened by the news of your dear son ________ death.
   
   
2. Express your sympathy.
   
   We wish we could find words to ease your pain.
   
   Losing a child is one of the saddest life challenges and words that can give you true comfort are difficult to find.
   
   
3. Remind the bereaved of their personal strengths.
   
   Do know that we are thinking of you during this time of loss.
   
   
4. End with a word or phrase or sympathy.
   
   You have our sincere condolences and sympathy.
   
   In sympathy,
   
   (Your Signature) __________
   
   

Sympathy Card Sets Available on Amazon 

Set/6 In Sympathy Message...

Sympathy Note Cards - Ant...

Set/6 In Sympathy Message...

Sympathy Cards - Willow,...

In Sympathy Message Cards...

More Articles on How to Write a Sympathy Note 

How to Write a Sympathy Note

Cronin & Company offer helpful advice on How to Write a Sympathy Note.

How to Write a Sympathy Note

Very basic suggestion on How to Write a Sympathy Note from Real Simple Magazine.

Composing Letters of Condolence

An article on Composing Condolence Notes from the Counseling Center at Western Washington University.

How to write a note of condolence

Finding the right words to comfort someone over a personal loss is an important way to offer sympathy and condolences.

How to Write a Sympathy Note - Today's Christian

To encourage Christians to live out their faith by providing inspiring models and clear teaching in convenient digest format.

Words of Sympathy - How to Write a Sympathy Card

An article from Comfort and Grace in a section on Words of Sympathy on how to write a sympathy card or note.

WikiAnswers - How do you write a sympathy note

Manners and Etiquette question is answered on "How do you write a sympathy note?"

How do I Write a Sympathy Note?

Brief and Straightforward Guide: How do I Write a Sympathy Note?

How to write a sympathy card

When someone loses a loved one, the simple, thoughtful gesture of writing a sympathy card or condolence letter can bring great comfort to the bereaved. Read our simple guide and discover what to write, as well as what not to write.

Sympathy Cards in the Amazon Spotlight 

Sympathy Cards - Willow, box of 10 cards and envelopes

Amazon Price: $10.90 (as of 10/12/2008)

These Sympathy cards have the simple message "With Sympathy" with a green weeping willow tree on a ivory card.

The cards are blank on the inside and measure 7 X 5 inches.

Sold as a box of 10 cards & matching envelopes.

Children, Condolence Notes and Get Well Cards 

Some of the most heartfelt notes are written by children, because kids are so open and honest. Children are able to express very powerful sentiments in simple ways.

When we got word that my father-in-law had died, I encouraged my daughters to create special sympathy cards for my mother-in-law. The activity gave the girls something to do while we were absorbing the news of the death and created something tangible that could be given to their grandmother.

Get Well Cards
Notes from youngsters are very special, especially if the recipient is seriously ill. Florence Issacs describes an incidence involving an eight-year-old sending a get well card to his 70-year-old grandfather who had just suffered a heart attack

Please get well, Grandpa.
Who else will play gin rummy with me?
Who will tell me stories?
I love you, Grandpa.

These very heartfelt and honest sentiments may have helped the child's grandfather in this instance to recover.

Source: Isaacs F. Finding the Right Words. Right-Writing.com
Image Source: Sophie. Writing. Royalty Free Use.

Children's Condolence Notes on Flickr 

Some of the most heart-felt and honest Condolence Notes are created by children.

Example of Condolence Notes from Children 

Sources to Help Children Write Condolence Notes 

Teaching Children the Art of Correspondence

This FamilyEducation.com looks at several aspects of teaching correspondence to children including how to write a condolence letter, a love note and RSVPing.

Finding The Right Words

One of the few articles about children and condolence notes from best-selling author Florence Isaacs.

Grateful for Each Breath - Emma writes a condolence note

From the Julie Unplugged blog, sharing the experience of encouraging her daughter to write a condolence note.

Sympathy Card for a Pet Loss on Amazon 

Sympathy Card - Forever With You

Amazon Price: $4.99 (as of 10/12/2008)

A simple, heartfelt condolence card for the death of a pet. The image shows a shadow of a dog in place of a shadow of a person.

Inside Message says "They stay with you forever. Heartfelt condolences on your loss."

Special Considerations on the Death of a Pet 

Pet losses are often considered to be a disenfranchised loss; this is a loss that is not or cannot be openly acknowledged, publicly mourned, or socially supported. The person who has suffered such a loss may feel that he or she does not have the right to act as if he/she is bereaved.

In addition, the death of a pet may trigger old griefs and other old losses, serving as a reminder of previous losses.

Since many people, non-pet owners don't understand the importance of the loss of a pet, the grief that results following the death of a pet may suppressed by the bereaved. Pet owners grieving the loss of a beloved companion pet may feel that others will think they are foolish, mourning the death of an animal.

When sending condolences on the death of a pet, there are a few things that people should consider.

1. Use the pet's name.
The animal was very special to your friend and should be named, not referred to as "your dog" or "your cat."
2. Recall the pet.
If possible include one of your own experiences with your friend's pet. Mention one of the animal's positive or lovable traits.
3. Do not talk about getting a new pet.
It takes many people time to get over the death of a pet. The condolence letter is not the place to tell your friend to think about getting another new pet.

Image Source: Hortongrou. Poor Little Sue Spring. Royalty Free Use.

Pet Condolence Cards on Flickr 

A collection of Condolence Cards or Sympathy Notes sent following the death of a pet.

Healing the Pain of Pet Loss on Amazon 

Healing the Pain of Pet Loss: Letters in Memoriam

Amazon Price: $18.95 (as of 10/12/2008)

A collection of inspiring and heart-wrenching letters written by people who have lost a cherished animal.

The writers describe their feelings and the events surrounding the loss and represent a variety of grief experiences.

A helpful resource for someone who has lost a companion pet.

Examples of Sympathy Cards for a Pet Death 

Condolence Note for a Pet or Companion Animal 

• Genuine, specific, timely emotional support of caregivers at the time of euthanasia helps ease the pain during the grieving process.
• He writes and sends a condolence letter to the entire family within 24 hours of euthanasia.
• Some veterinarians include a brief history or profile of the animal.
• Many include a reminder that death was easy and without suffering.
• Others may wish to send a separate condolence to a child who seems especially affected by the death and loss of their special friend.

Resources on Writing Condolences for Pets 

Writing Condolences for Pets

From Lynn Gaertner-Johnston's Business Writing Blog, an entry on Writing Condolences for Pets.

Writing a Condolence Note After a Pet Death

An article from the American Hospice Foundation on how to write a condolence note following the death of a pet.

Mourning After

An interview with Christine McNiff with The Cape Cod Times about pet loss.

Condolence Notes in the Work Place 

Florence Isaacs, author of "Business Notes: Writing Personal Notes that build Professional Relationships" advises that notes in general are a way to acknowledge that people have lives outside of work with families, hopes and dreams.

A personal note affirms the bond that you share as people, not only as colleagues. Notes help to expresses friendship. Sending a notes is also a way to recognize the events that are important to everyone.

A condolence note is a way of saying "You matter to me as a human being, not only within the confines of the business world."

Image Source: Sympathy Card. Available on Amazon.

Example of a Condolence Note for a Business Colleague or Co-worker 

1. Acknowledge the loss.
   
   Dear Helen,
   
   This morning Mr. Moore told us the sad news of your father's sudden death.
   
   
2. Express your sympathy.
   
   Let me first extend my heartfelt sympathy to you and your family. The loss must be very difficult for you as you face these first numbing days of grief.
   
   
3. Note special qualities or recount a memory about the deceased.
   
   Though I never met your, I remember how touched I was when you described the scene as he recited a poem he'd composed for your mother at their fiftieth wedding anniversary celebration last year. His tenderness and humor were both captured in that story, as was your obvious love for him.
   
   
4. Close with a thoughtful word or phrase.
   
   Keep in mind that this office is filled with people who care about you and are thinking about you in your sorrow.
   
   With Heartfelt Condolences
   
   Your Signature _________________
   
   

Sympathy Notes in the Amazon Spotlight 

Sympathy Note Cards - Antique, Box of 10 cards and envelopes

Amazon Price: $6.50 (as of 10/12/2008)

These very basic sympathy cards are great to have for sending business condolences.

The cards measure 5-1/2 X 4-1/4 inches with the words "With Sympathy" printed on the front in dark green ink on premium ivory stock.

A box of 10 cards and matching envelopes.

Signing the Business Condolence Card 

In the business setting when a colleague dies or a relative of a coworker dies, the death can affect the entire office. Someone in the office may be designated to send a formal Condolence letter. Others in the office may decide to have everyone sign and send a sympathy card.

Signing a sympathy card for someone that you don't know may be difficult. Try and find some comforting words, or generic sympathy closures.

Some helpful suggestions for ways of signing a sympathy card useful for a business setting include:

With Deepest Sympathy
My sincere sympathy
With Heartfelt Condolences
May God's Grace strengthen you
My sincere respects to you and yours

Image Source: Dara McG. 365days-day191-The Card. Used with Permission.

Business Notes: Writing Personal Notes in the Amazon Spotlight 

Business Notes: Writing Personal Notes that build Professional Relationships

by Florence Isaacs

Amazon Price: $12.24 (as of 10/12/2008)

Editor and author Florence Isaacs emphasizes the value of handwritten or typed letters and notes in the business world as the bridges between professional relationships.

She skillfully informs the business professional of the importance and influence of notes.

More Resources for Writing Business Condolence Notes and Letters 

Condolences to Business Associate upon Death of a Loved One

Express your regret over the death but avoid going into the details of the illness or tragedy, its consequences, or how you heard of the incident.

How To Write A Condolence Note To Clients

An article on writing condolence notes to clients from the Long Term Clients blog.

Business Stationery Writing, A Guide to Writing; Sympathy Letters

Stationery Writing, A Guide to Writing; Sympathy Letter from My Expression.com

The History of Sympathy Cards 

Greeting cards began as early human attempts to achieve or maintain relationships with others. The sympathy card was created as a way of expressing emotion, concern and support following a death or a loss.

Sympathy cards may be more popular in the United States than in other countries, where we are often uncomfortable in expressing condolences or hearing about a loss. Americans lead the use of sympathy notes sending more than 125 million sympathy cards each year.

As a simple gesture of support, sympathy cards provide meaning to both senders and receivers. The sending of sympathy cards links people together and according to Charles Lippy in his article on "Sympathy Cards and the Grief Process," sending a card "reinforces a sense of community and solidarity in the wake of the calamity of death."

Image Source: Carole Nickerson. Old Postcard. Royalty Free Use.

Sympathy Cards - The Emergence of the sympathy card

A look at the history of Sympathy Cards from the Encyclopedia of Death and Dying.

The Arlington Ladies

An article in The American Spectator about the Arlington Ladies, a group of retired servicewomen themselves or from military families who attend every funeral at Arlington to ensure that no soldier is ever buried with no one in attendance and also to serve the needs of family members.

In Conclusion - Writing a Condolence Note 

A good condolence note is one that speaks straight from the heart of the writer to the heart of the recipient.

When writing a condolence note or sympathy card, use the card as a way of expressing your support, thoughts and feelings rather than worrying about following any script or formula.

You can follow the example of children and...

Write from the heart. Write what feels right.

Image Source:
Adapted from Davide Guglielmo. Greetings Card. Royalty Free Use.

More Squidoo Lens on Coping with Loss, Grief and Bearevement 

Journey of Hearts - Grief, Loss & Transitions

  Journey of Hearts was launched in the Fall of 1997 as "a Healing Place in CyberSpace." It was the as the first and only physician sponsored website devoted to educating people about the normal grief response. In the fall of 2007 Jo...

Loss, Grief and Bereavement

Loss is the disappearance of something cherished, often the death of a person, loss of a relationship, loss of a job or loss of health. Grief is the entire response--mind, body and spirit--to the loss. Bereavement is the often term used when the loss...

Copyright Information 

Creative Commons License. Some rights reserved.

Creative Commons License © 2008 Kirsti A. Dyer MD, MS, FT. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution- Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.

The material in this resource book may be copied and reproduced on websites or in newsletters, ezines provided that the Author's Biography information is included with any article.

Longer excerpts from this online resource book may not be copied, duplicated or reproduced for use in a for-profit setting without prior written permission by the author.

Contact the Author at the Contact Me link above.

Photograph Image Sources 

How to Write a Condolence Note Guestbook 

Your place for feedback, comments and suggestions.

GrowWear Excellent resource. Beautiful lens. Posted October 09, 2008

Frankster What an incredibly wonderful lens. I'm glad to see that you've included death of a pet. Some people don't know how losing a pet is like losing a family member and when they find out they just gloss over it. Very telling but hurtful as well. Thank you again for all of the great advice. Bear hugs, Frankster Posted October 04, 2008

Jesi Awesome lense, I found it best thats why it is in top 10 list 5 stars are the real right of lense just visit me here Acne Types Posted September 30, 2008

Tini Came across this Lens by chance and what an informative Lens it is! My VP's partner just passed and the Condolence notes in work place was JUST what I needed to read. 5 stars and kudos to you,Comfortdoc! Posted September 26, 2008

EliteInfo great info! thanks alot! rated 5 , you deserve it! Posted September 23, 2008

Nishith You really seem to know your stuff....Do checkout my contribution at COMPUTER CARE : Solution to windows problems Really 5***** for your lens.!!!! Posted September 23, 2008

 

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