What Would Jesse Jackson Do? 

You put in your dues, but you keep losing out. Now some young upstart is stealing your limelight...

It's tough becoming irrelevent. We understand.

When you spend your entire life fighting for racial equality and civil rights, rubbing shoulders with the likes of Martin Luther King Jr. and every president since John F. Kennedy, realizing that the light of your rainbow is as relevent as a leprechaun in politics is some pretty cold comfort.

When you find that you're more 1980 in a 2008 world, what do you do?

Become a Fox news commentator, of course.

Just remember, those mikes are always live!

Confused about how to keep yourself in the limelight? Do like Jesse Jackson does, purse your lips, and tell the world that while you support your candidate, you'd like to cut his nuts off!

What would Scarlett do? 

Atlanta's burning, the damn Yankees are coming...

... and your best friend just married the man you're obsessing over. No one's giving you the care and feeding you so richly deserve, and the servants are getting sassy to boot.

The chips are down, your dad's turned into a drunk, and you actually have to work for a living for a change.

What's a diva to do?

Damn the yankees and pull down the velvet draperies, ma chere! Find another man (they're nearly interchangable, you know,) milk him for what you can get from him, and climb back up that ladder of fortune with your nails and tongue both sharpened.

Oh, and never forget the power of a fluttering fan.

What would Leonardo do? 

The Pope (or your mother) is on your case...

... La Giaconda won't share her secrets (or her wealth,) and everyone keeps trying to pigeon-hole you into a single job.

You're interested in anatomy, mechanics, flight, painting, sculpture, science, and just about everything else in the world, but it seems people just want to keep you flat on your back with a paint brush (or a paint bucket) in your hand.

Throw off the shackles of patronage, go buy yourself another notebook or a new laptop, and devote yourself to becoming whatever it is you want to be - today. For tomorrow, you'll probably change your mind again.

Polymath or scanner, no one can hold you down, unless you let them! It's ok to be a jack of all trades!

What Would Copernicus Do? 

When the Flat Earth Society is getting you down, science gets all confusing, and you fear the wrath of your neighbors and co-workers for being an atheist, who do you turn to for advice?

Nicolaus Copernicus (February 19, 1473 - May 24, 1543) was the first European astronomer to formulate a scientifically based heliocentric cosmology, and displaced the Earth from its center. His epochal book, De revolutionibus orbium coelestium (On the Revolutions of the Celestial Spheres), is often regarded as the starting point of modern astronomy, as well as a defining epiphany in the history of science.

Although Greek, Indian, and Muslim savants, centuries before Copernicus, had published heliocentric hypotheses, Copernicus's publication of a scientific theory of heliocentrism, demonstrating that the Sun is at the center of what is now called the solar system, was a landmark in the history of modern science. Source: Wikipedia

Everyone's telling you the earth is flat, and that life revolves around you and your small-minded little pancake world. Popes have been known to throw men of science in the hooskow for heresy, and your president thinks ID is the equivalent of science.

The school boards in Kansas can't make up their minds whether we evolved from apes, or we still are them, Pennsylvania has thrown their lot in with the terminally backwards, and Kentucky hosts an Creationism museum on a foundation of one of the richest fossil beds in the U.S. It's hard to know who to believe anymore.

The next time you get confused, stop a moment and ask yourself...

What Would Britney Do? 

You're worried about the little ones, fighting for custody with your ex-husband, you keep dropping the baby, and you're under court order to take parenting classes...

... and don't know quite where to turn, why not turn to a celebrity role model for advice? That's right, I'm saying it, What would Britney do?

That's right! Dress up in a black sequined bikini, and dance unsteadily onstage in Las Vegas before a television audience numbering in the millions!

Then, apply for the driver's license you should have had all along, run over the toes of two photographers and a cop, fire your assistant, your lawyer, your manager and your agent, and run around town without any underwear with Paris Hilton.

That's what I'd do, wouldn't you?

When you have child-rearing questions that the pediatrician is too pedestrian to answer, ask yourself...

What Would 10,000 Monks Do? 

Your government is oppressive, stealing your rights, your privacy, and your lives. What do you do?

A recent United Nations report found that 3,000 villages of various tribes have been destroyed, more than 500,000 people have been driven from their homes, government troops are accused of systematically raping girls and forcing children to join their ranks, and everyone's afraid.

The last time people got the courage to speak up, in 1998, 3,000 people were killed by the ruling military junta.

How do you really piss off a populace? First, you imprison your only Nobel Peace Prize winner, Aung San Suu Kyi, then you crack down on the revered religious community when they try to stand up for your people.

You tell 'em to stay home or you'll shoot them, and what do those 10,000 monks do? They take to the streets, peacefully telling you you're wrong. That'll teach you!

Burma/Myanmar 

Unplayed Piano

Join the global campaign by Damien Rice, Burma Campaign UK and US Campaign for Burma to free Burmese democracy leader Aung San Suu Kyi, now in her 12th year of house arrest in Burma.

Amazon Price: (as of 07/26/2008)

What Would the RIAA Do? 

You're losing money hand over foot because you've failed to keep up with technology.

The government isn't moving fast enough for you, college kids are hacking every copyright measure you put in place with masking tape and paperclips, universities are providing their students with high speed internet connections and free bandwidth, and people the world over dare to share FREE VERSIONS of your product! What's a powerful industry group to do? Why, sue their asses off, of course! You don't need customers, you have the artists all locked up, (oops! One got away!) and at your mercy.

Pod forbid you should adopt the eminently sensible Canadian model of a surcharge on all cassettes, disks and recording devices to pay your royalties.

If you ever find yourself in a position where you feel you're not receiving your due accolades and royalties, stop a moment, and think...

What Would Captain Picard Do? 

You're surrounded...

Betazoids and engineers (not to mention pasty-faced androids) to the right of you, Klingons, former bedmates and ambitious underlings to the left of you! They all either want a piece of you, or they want to topple you from your lofty position.

Co-workers can be a real drag. If they're not after your job, they're stabbing you in the back, or proving they're smarter than you.

When it all gets too much, and your choices are to either bring a little extra hardware in your lunchbag, or engage in some extracurricular parking lot bumper car practice, take a deep breath, tug your blouse down for the umpty-eleventeenth time today, affect your best faux-English accent, and think...

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