I have been writing a blog since 2005 regarding abuse and faith.  I have tried to find a good collection of audio, video, article sources, and ones was were written by myself. I have found that unless this topic is approached in the correct way within the faith community it can either a benefit or burden to the perpetrator, victim, and family members.  http://www.squidoo.com/lensmasters/eaandfaith Mon, 08 Sep 2008 11:05:46 -0600 FeedCreator 1.7.2 http://www.squidoo.com/Jesushealsabuse Jesus Heals Abuse Abuse has no gender! This is a site for Christians in recovery from abuse within relationships. Please respect the very gentle and non judgmental atmosphere we wish to create. The forum is for any born again Bible believing Christian to use and to in time, help others. Please post as often as you want in the spirit of the early Christians. Love, tender sharing, and help to get to the place in destiny God has for you are all in order here. Let rebukes be with humility and gentleness surrounded by huge encouragement. Let disagreements be sorted with reference to the foot of the cross, Let human failings be seen through the eyes of Jesus. It is up to every poster to make the place one of safety and security for their brethren to heal.   Please join us by clicking the link above! people Tue, 29 May 2007 08:01:20 -0600 http://www.squidoo.com/theabusiveperson I wanted to write a little about the abusive person.  I think most of us have heard of the ‘Jerkyl and Hyde” personality from the media, books and articles.  They can be warm and loving one minute, and the next can rage out of control!  I’m sure most of us have run into such a person in our lives at one time of another!  The personality we speak of mostly is just one chapter in the different personality types that are actually out there!   I will agree with some that claim that ‘abuse’ as a word, and those that go along with it at times are very overused.  There is a big difference between someone just acting ugly, and truly hurting people in their lives, and those that make this a pattern for their lives!  Is that to say you can spot an abuser from a mile away (as the saying goes)?  In a lot of cases you can’t.  Why do I say that?  People that are truly abusive have ways of sending you down the wrong path to get the attention OFF them, and going into a different direction.  They have been doing this for a long time, so don’t think even the smartest and sharpest don’t see it at times.  Abusive people tend to find ways of keeping the eyes off them and their behavior, and will in the end send you in all kinds of different directions.  They motive is to get the attention OFF them, and make sure its pointing elsewhere!  Its been a lifestyle for a long time, so don’t kid yourself that they aren’t good at it!   People that abuse also have good qualities like everyone else!  They can show times of great sense of humor, humility, warmth, and an awesome person to be around!  They don’t have to have this image of drugs and booze, jobless bums that sit around mocking the world as they slur their words.  They don’t fit into that perfect box that you read about when it comes to that cruel, intimidating, and vicious person!  They state that is WHY most partners seem to doubt the abuse to begin with!  They almost hesitate saying too much, because they may actually think they are misjudging them in some way.  Lets face it calling someone abusive isn’t going to be an easy conversion is it? people Mon, 28 May 2007 10:21:50 -0600 http://www.squidoo.com/emotionalabuseandfaith Our blog Emotional Abuse and Your Faith has been in existence since 2005.  It started as a personal journey after I had seen the unwillingness of certain good and faithful people unable to recognize the damage that abuse can do within a home.  I read a lot of articles, letters, posts, and advice that seemed to shift the burden back onto the victim.   Average Statements would be: "If you would be more submissive to your husband he would respond with love back to you!" "If you would love your wife like Christ loved the church she would honor you!" Abuse of any kind is a not gender issue, and I do not discuss stats and the rest.  My focus is on the unwillingness to accept the concept of abuse within a faith filled home, and how some churches handle this issue incorrectly.  Everyone involved needs help of different kinds, and yet in most cases I see that the burden is laid on one - the victim.  The perpetrator needs help and attention as well, and normally pushed to the side with no real accountability and sadly remains in their world of fear, anger and hate enabled by the church. My purpose is education, and also to point out an awesome ministry that helps people of faith within this realm - including pastor's wife’s.  Focus Ministries is our choice to support.  We would also like to promote a store that gives proceeds to this ministry:       The storeowner also has started a blog on Building a Store For this ministry.  It shows the hills and valley of learning to build an online store.  We partner with them because they have decided to donate proceeds to help Focus Ministries survive! Our blog mostly cover this subject within the Christian realm, but we have found articles from other faiths that are worth noting as well.  Our goal is to have others recognize if their church home is a place that encourages the ‘Holy Hush” or the "Shattered Silence"!  With so many myths about what abuse is, and how to handle it we have found that most churches are behind in this realm.  We hope to help change that so that parties involved with abuse are helped, and shown God’s love for them.  We are not part of Focus Ministries, and the Store is also not connected.  If you would like to donate directly we also would encourage that! people Wed, 30 May 2007 14:38:25 -0600 http://www.squidoo.com/wheneverythingIdoisnotRight Okay! I will be honest here, but I sure see an 'air' of blame, and no honestly placing accountability towards behavior here! I found another article that is driving me right up a wall! LINK for the entire thing. Quote: Oftentimes, husbands can be overbearing upon their wives without fully realizing the consequences of it. This is especially true of Christian wives who are taught to be submissive and obedient to their husbands (which is God's way). However, it is not good for a husband to be overbearing; in fact, it's a sin if the wife is being abused. Men are dominant by nature; that is to say, they want to have control over everything that is there's. Nothing makes a man angrier than when he loses control over what is his. If a wife leaves her husband, he has lost control of her. If other people are giving her advice, the husband is at the mercy of the wife's sense of judgment during her time of despair. Oftentimes, wives are given ungodly advice by well-meaning, but carnal people. Our advice should come from the Word of God. Of course, divorce is always a sin. God never leaves us (Hebrews 13:5), nor should we ever leave our spouse. Men are dominant by nature; that is to say, they want to have control over everything that is their's! I guess I can agree that SOME men are like that, but certainly not ALL! Control and dominance has no place within a Christian home! I mean this gentlemen is basically saying, "I know some men get a bit overbearing, but HEY its something in our nature at times!" Don't give yourself excuses Mr. Stewart! Excuses dont' matter! Domination in the home is something that can easily go to far, and are we NOT to try to avoid "going there" to begin with? I have no clue why people seem to think that women have any less brains to figure out situations more than men do.  In most cases if a spouse leaves there is a good reason.  MEN in this situation didn't listen to the advice and calling to them by scripture if their women walked out the door due to their overbearing attitudes! I mean WHY would he take it that far, so that she felt there was no other way for peace besides leaving? God doesn't leave us I will grant you that, but husbands can leave their wifes and STILL be living inside the home! Normally, THAT someone lives there has been already been told, has already discussed attitudes whether or not this author wants to admit it! It takes alot for MOST ladies to live their husbands! Women are hardly dim witted as the attitude I'm reading either! Please see the rest of the article on Emotional Abuse and Your Faith Please also visit a store that store that supports a ministry that works with families of domestic abuse.  people Mon, 28 May 2007 09:56:04 -0600 http://www.squidoo.com/divorceanabusivespouse I found an article online about a gentlemen's opinion on how abusive marriages should be handled. He completely missed the point, and has decided instead to enable the abuser and allow the victims to continue to be victimized. Keep in mind abuse is not a gender issue, and both parties must be healed. This man tends to speak to reasons of feminism, and leadership within the home. Neither are the real issue. people Wed, 30 Jan 2008 12:54:44 -0600 http://www.squidoo.com/youcant I wrote this one night while frustrated! people Sun, 16 Mar 2008 19:50:45 -0600 http://www.squidoo.com/properformofcommunication I picked this picture because its a good visual for communication don't you think?  STOP, LOOK and LISTEN! I go to a number of faith boards online, and I read these similiar stories again and again.  I also hear the same responses, but I have to say there are a select few that do hear.  I decided to give you a short description of the full article on my blog.  This woman was just trying to get some advice as to HOW to communicate with her husband, and to me they totally blew her off! There was a post recently about how a couple works for the same company, and they drive to work together. His position there is sounds like is very satisfying to him. She went and finished her degree, and then was offered a job in that area. She mentioned that her husband is very happy where he is, and she is a bit bored with her position there. She was looking for something else a bit more up her alley. When she approached him with this exciting offer he was very upset! 1)  It would depress him if she took the job. 2)  It would be awful for her to work somewhere else. 3)  When she attempted to speak about WHY she wanted this job he became very angry. Tells her that she is never satisfied, and she needs to be okay with what she has. There was no mention of children or anything else here. If you read the post you could feel her frustration…all she wanted to do was talk about it. He placed this wall up and refused! Some of the responses didn't even address her concern, but they sure did do a good job making her feel badly about WORKING for one! See? This is what happens when women set foot outside the home. Confusion, strife... women should stay IN the home where they belong! (Sorry - had a strange entity possess my keyboard.) Seriously, though, if I was in your situation and my husband was that dead set against the new job, I'd stay where I was. Is the new job worth causing marital problems? So I'd stay there and pray for my husband, that if it's God's will for me to get a new job, He'd change my husband's heart in the matter. At this point you can't cajole your husband about this or persuade him - his mind's made up. The best way to change his mind is to have God change it for you. or How much of you does your husband get, with your career as it stands? Do you think he might be worried that he'll be getting even *less* of you if you decide to "better yourself"? Is it even remotely possible that he's right--that you don't know how to be content? I'd choose husband and marriage over my career any day. But then, I'm one of them pregnant and barefoot nutters--I was even in the kitchen 5 minutes ago! or We as women need to learn the words of prayer, instead of nagging or using our mouths against our husband (I'm just saying in general). If there is something you don’t agree with or understand towards your husband, learn to take it to the Lord in prayer. Because marriage is about sacrifice.I can’t say I disagree with ALL of the comments above okay? I do think they are missing the boat on the real issue here! The issue is his response will cause walls of resentment to be built up, and she will no longer feel free to speak her mind! She attempts to speak to him, and he gets mad! She tries to explain to him she wants a bit more in her job, and he tells her she is never content. The issue these ladies seem to be missing is the communication factor! He is going out of his way to stop all communication within the relationship, and these ladies are saying, “That’s okay!” They ignore his selfish responses, and ask her who is more important the job or him? They are encouraging them NOT to communicate on any real level. He will get upset if you talk – so don’t! Shallow what is inside of you, and don’t address the fact this man needs to communicate better! If you can’t do that you aren’t doing your job as a woman! Have the Lord hit him over the head with this fact it’s not your job to point it out. LOL and they wonder why so many marriages are in trouble in the churches! Their verses they love to type out so much on the keyboard about submission, etc are just fine! It seems they are missing the point that God encourages things to go both ways in order for the relationship to grow! Don’t gloss over the fact that he acknowledges if you don’t you will have issues. LOL Its not because of your faith either its because of debits between the two of you. How is your husband going to learn to love you more and more as the years pass if you can’t even bring up something that bothers you! How is he going to know you in any real sense if you are not allowed to question? Everyone’s feelings and concerns are important! You hear people scream about communication, and yet you hear others discouraging it at the same time. Why? It seems to be people are asking others to stuff their feelings, and ask God to change them so they don’t feel so lost. You are not allowed to speak with the person you have issue with. Just pray for a change of heart, and wait for it happen. Okay then. I’m waiting for the book to come out now. “Do all for your man, and don’t worry about you! That is what God wants you to do! Encourage men to be selfish!” Bleck! I refuse to step foot into that conversation! I sent her a private message instead.   The entire article is here on our blog:  Emotional Abuse and Your Faith people Tue, 29 May 2007 21:14:12 -0600 http://www.squidoo.com/fashionfordomesticabuse Benetton is starting a line called, "Colors of Domestic Violence".  I'm sorry but this ad series to me is in VERY bad taste!  You want to talk about colors of abuse - that's FINE!  You want to use it to sell your line of clothes like that, and I have to say my jaw about dropped to the floor! people Tue, 29 May 2007 17:27:31 -0600