It is with great sadness that thefoulline.com announces the passing of the once proud New York Yankees franchise. The Yankees passed away at their home last night after a long struggle with what doctors have diagnosed as suckus maximus. At the time of their death they were 104 years old.

The Yankees have called Bronx, New York, home, although they have spent considerable time over the years in Boston, Cleveland, and Tampa Bay.

Through the past seven years, the Yankees have been in poor health. Even with the best personnel that money can buy, they have not been able to recover. I think we can all remember 2004, when the Yankees had a considerable choking episode. We all thought that the end was near. But, showing their resolve, the Yankees were able to battle back to lose in the first round of the playoffs the last three seasons.

The Yankees were active in the community, participating in noted public programs such as Take a Stripper to Work Day, and hosting 55,000 unemployed high school dropouts at Yankee Stadium 81 days a year. The Yankees have even allowed a mentally challenged man to run the franchise since 1972. They were true philanthropists.

The Yankees are survived by Melky Cabrera, Wilson Betemit, Ron Villone and Shelley Duncan.

There will be a viewing in Tampa, Florida, in February 2008. In lieu of flowers, family members are asking for donations to be made to:

The Roger Clemens Institute for Money Grubbing Whores
21 Traitor Way
Cash, TX 28,000,000

thefoulline.com
October 9, 2007

1. Alex Rodriquez: 25 million dollars a year = 0 world series titles. Nice return on that investment, and he has blue lips from kissing Joe Torre's butt.

2. Roger Clemens: Show me the Money!!! Roger, you're a hundred years old, retire already. I hate you.

3. Derek Jeter: 300 batting average, Gold Glove winner, MVP award - I hope he catches the Ebola virus.

4. Johnny Damon: This could take a while. First of all, a grown man should not be called Johnny. Second, he looks like the Geico Caveman, and finally he's a money grubbing traitor that throws like a girl.

5. Billy Martin: Bad ballplayer, crappy manager, even worse driver.

6. Jason Giambi: How in the world do you put on 30 lbs of muscle and hit 50 home runs in a season?? Hmmm... What could it be?

7. Babe Ruth: You're fat, a drunk and you're an ex-Red Sox. Not to mention your candy bar looks like a turd.

8. Rickey Hendersen: Rickey loves Rickey. Rickey thinks Rickey is great. Rickey likes to use himself in the third person. MrNoodles thinks Rickey is a moron.

9. Dave Winfield: Seagull Killer.

10. George Steinbrenner: Seriously dude, stick to the Seinfeld gig. You're a whackjob as an owner.

Dear Yankee fans,

I wanted to write a quick note to you all during your time of need. I know how hard it must be to get destroyed by a team you usually have success against. A 12-3 loss in a playoff game must be devastating. I don't know if you will ever be able recover from this.

To make matters worse, this is the fifth playoff game your beloved Yankees have lost in row. It is so sad to see this once proud franchise struggling. Here is what concerns me: I fear that this might be just the beginning of the Yankee demise. After backing into the playoffs, your team is on the verge of losing such notable players as Alex Rodriguez, Mariano Rivera,and Jorge Posada to free-agency. I don't see how losing these players could possibly help your situation.

I do have one great idea. I would make every attempt to re-sign Roger Clemens. This guy has been a rock for your ballclub this year, worth every penny of his $28 million salary. Even with his 6-6 record and 4.18 ERA, re-signing this guy needs to be a priority. It doesn't matter that he's 58 years old. Age shouldn't matter. What matters is that this guy is still willing to pimp himself out to the highest bidder, even if his best days are long over.

I know Yankee fans support their team through the good times and the bad, and would never jump off the bandwagon in the their time of need. And with the Mets sucking almost as bad as the Yankees, where could a New Yorker possibly turn to in this desperate hour?

Here at thefoulline.com, I want you to know that we are here for you during your time of need. Since a World Series title seems like such an impossibility any time in the future, I thought maybe you could take a walk down memory lane, and talk about the Yankees' 26 rings. Even though none have come in this decade, I can appreciate how reliable this argument is for you as a crutch.

I hope that you find comfort in this letter, and know that in the past your franchise was once great. But the time has come to take a long look into the mirror and say those nine words that will ease your sorrows: "I should have been born a Red Sox fan."

Take care, and enjoy your rapidly approaching offseason.

Dave
thefoulline.com

thefoulline.com
October 5, 2007

I would give my right arm to be able punch Alex Rodriquez in the face.

Well, it's back to reality for New York after losing 2 out of 3 games in Yankee Stadium to the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. It's sad times for Yankee fans when your season highlight is a 3-game sweep of the Boston Red Sox, dropping their lead to "only" 5 games.

Yankee fans can whine about having to "come down" after such an emotional series against Boston, but the facts remain. The Yankees caught the Red Sox at their most vulnerable. Boston was on the last leg of a 10-game road trip. Manny allegedly injured his oblique muscle, and J.D. Drew was sucking like his normal self. Anybody could have beat Boston those three days.

And how did both teams respond to such an "emotional" series? Philip Hughes, "Yankee Ace" of the future: 4 innings pitched with 4 earned runs in a loss against Tampa. Andy Pettite: 6 innings pitched for 11 hits and 5 earned runs (another loss). And the million-dollar man Roger Clemens put together another solid start today for a loss against Seattle (4 innings pitched, 8 hits, 5 earned runs). At the cost of only a million dollars, Clemens not only increased the Red Sox lead in the AL East but also helped Seattle inch closer to overtaking the wild card lead.

Meanwhile in Boston, the Sox have been playing kids against men and taking 2 out of 3 from Baltimore. I don't know if anyone has heard about Clay Buchholz, the Red Sox rookie who threw a no hitter in only his second major league start, or Jon Lester, who has overcome cancer and is now 3-0 on the season, but the Sox are once again showing their superior pitching, farm system and front office. The reality is that this is just the first of many years to come of the Red Sox dominating the Yankees.

The Yankees can have their emotional series win. The Red Sox are going to have the title.

thefoulline.com
September 3, 2007