EMS Humor

You have ever used an ambulance for public transportation.

You have a newer and bigger TV than those of us who work 60 hours per week.

You can fish 5 days per week but can't work due to a 'disability'.

You can roof your house but can't work a job because of a 'back injury'.

You have seen a doctor more than 30 times this year and have no idea what an actual doctor's office looks like.

You pull out your red card and say "I have insurance". (No, I am paying your bill)

You have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia but pronounce it 'fibromianga'. (You really should know the name of the disease that caused your disability.)

You have been diagnosed with a seizure or cardiac problem by a friend, relative, etc. who works in a nursing home.

You tell the medic that you will "hold your seizure off till you get to the bottom of the stairs" when you are told the cot will not fit up the stairs.

You go to the ER more time per week than you bathe.

Your house is a pigsty but you own a 32" HDTV.

You are 17 years old, pregnant with your third child but have no idea who the babydaddy is.

You call an ambulance for a problem that has been going on for months and "it was really bad two days ago".

You go back to the ER by ambulance at 2:00 AM because it was too busy earlier that day.

You request prescriptions for Tylenol, Aspirin or Benadryl "cuz then it won't cost me nothing".

You call for an ambulance instead of a taxi because you actually have to pay for a taxi.

You have seizures only when you have company and are not getting the attention you want.

You use an ambulance because "I don't wanna sit in the waiting room".

The first thing out of your mouth is "I need pain meds" but are "allergic" to anything synthetic.

You rate your pain as a 20 on the 1 - 10 scale but have a pressure of 110/72 and pulse of 76.

You try to convince the EMS crew that you are sick but stick your finger down your throat when you think they are not looking.

You are 'unconscious' but are sneaking peeks to see who is coming in the door to help you.

You think that a pseudo seizure is a real seizure.

You have not put in an honest days work in your pathetic life.

You purchase steaks for you dog because your food stamps will not pay for dog food.

Your disability is your weight and the only food in sight in your home is junk/fast food.

You wear a bracelet on your ankle presented to you by the county or state.

You state that you are 'disabled' because of an injury to your F spine.

You call an ambulance for "back pain" and are standing at the end of your driveway, leaning up against a car, smoking a cigarette and holding your suitcase when they arrive but state that the pain is "excruciating".

You need pain meds for a 'migraine' but have no sensitivity to light or noise.

Your living room is filthier than my dog pen.

You have money for cigarettes and beer but cannot afford medication for your child.

You have six cars in your driveway belonging to your 10 friends that are there but are too drunk to drive you to the hospital for your toe pain.

You are age 33, disabled since age 22 for whiplash, want to go to the hospital for the pain meds you ran out of this morning, walk to the ambulance and are still wearing the ORIGINAL C-collar from your accident.

If you call an ambulance to transport your child who is suffering with a diaper rash.

You went to the hospital the previous day for flu-like symptoms, have taken one dose of antibiotics and call the ambulance again to take you back to the hospital because you "don't feel any better".