Humorous SMS Collection Everyday
A humorous joke a day...Keeps your heartache away!...
Wanna share yours? Relax and have fun!
Wanna share yours? Relax and have fun!
Kulet Jokes - Tagalog version
Kulet 1: Kung may nagtatanong sa iyo kung bakit wala ka sa mood -- magpaliwanag: 'Ang dami kasing nagtatanong sa akin kahit halata namang ayokong makipag-usap'--
Kulet 2: Kung tinatamad kang sumama sa kaibigan nomg nagyayang manigarilyo -- magpaliwanag: 'Ay nag quit na ako kanina eh.'
Kulet 3:
Kulet 2: Kung tinatamad kang sumama sa kaibigan nomg nagyayang manigarilyo -- magpaliwanag: 'Ay nag quit na ako kanina eh.'
Kulet 3:
Fun 20: "Who Was Driving the Stupid Bus then?"
There was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses. The police try to investigate further but they get no results. At last, they try to interrogate the monkey. The monkey seems to respond to their questions with gestures. Seeing that, they start asking the questions. The police chief asks,"Yeah, but what else were they doing?". The monkey uses his hand and takes it to his mouth as if holding a bottle. The chief says, "Oh! They were drinking, huh??!" The chief continues, "Okay, were they doing anything else?" The monkey nods his head and move his mouth back and forth, meaning they were talking. The chief loses his patience, "If they were having such a great time, who was driving the stupid bus then?" The monkey cheerfully swings his arms to the sides as if grabbing a wheel. Fun 19: "How Do You Do That?"
Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives. One signs to the other. 'Boy was my wife mad at me last night. She went on and on and wouldn't stop!' The other Buddy says, 'When my wife goes off on me I just don't listen.' 'How do you do that?' says the other. 'It's easy!' I turn off the light!' Fun 18: "You Gotta Love George"
Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals. She kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She maid a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new church member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and then just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny... He said nothing. Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house... Walked home... And left it there all night. You Gotta love George. Fun 17: "He's Still Out There!"
A Northern couple was visiting the deep south had stopped along a dark back road for a rest. All at once there was a tapping on the window. The women screamed "I think there is a ghost tapping on the window!" Sure enough a wizened face with long flowing white hair was there just outside the window. The husband stared the car and shoved his foot down on the gas and immediately was doing 60 miles and hour. "Step on it!" shrieked the wife, "He's still out there!" And sure enough, there was another tapping at the window. The husband shoved his foot to the floor again! This time he was doing ninety (90) miles. Still the ghostly figure tapped on the window. "You better giver'er some more gas!" "He's still out there." "I can't go any faster, I've got her up to 120 miles an hour. About that time the redneck motioned for the passenger to roll the window down, which he did. "Say!" "I was wanting to know, do you need a shove to get out of this mud hole?" Fun 16: "Absolutely brilliant, magnificent, a genius!"
A married couple trying to live up to a snobbish lifestyle went to a party. The conversation turned to Mozart. "Absolutely brilliant, magnificent, a genius!" The woman, wanting to join in the conversation, remarked casually, "Ah, Mozart. You're so right. I love him. Only this morning I saw him getting on the No.5 bus going to Coney Island." There was a sudden hush, and everyone looked at her. Her husband was mortified. He pulled her away and whispered, "We're leaving right now. Get your coat and let's get out of here." As they drove home, he kept muttering to himself. Finally his wife turned to him. "You're angry about something." "Oh really? You noticed?" he sneered. "I've never been so embarrased in my life! You saw Mozart take the No.5 bus to Coney Island? You Idiot! Don't you know the No.5 bus doesn't go out to Coney Island?" Fun 15: "I'm On a Diet"
A fat man went into a cafe and ordered two slices of apple pie with four scoops of ice cream, covered with whip cream and piled high with chopped nuts. "Would you like a cherry on top?" asked the waitress. "No thanks," said the man. "I'm on a diet." Fun 14: "Why Do I Have To Go To School ?"
Mom: Get up, time for school!Son: I don't wanna go to school!
Mom: You HAVE to!
Son: No! The kids are mean, the teachers don't like me, and the lunch is icky.
Mom: You WILL go to school, young man.
Son: Why? Why do I have to go to school today?
Mom: Because you're the principal, now get out of bed!
Fun 13: "No Peer Pressure!"
In a small town in Pampanga, there was a woman who just turned 104. Because of this, a reporter went to interview the 104 year-old woman: "What do you think is the best thing about being 104?" The old woman simply and slowly replied, "No peer pressure." Fun 12: "Im Allergic To Chocolate"
A guy took his girlfriend to the movies. During the previews, she asked him to buy her some M&Ms. When he returned, she opened the bag, picked out all the brown ones and threw them away. "What did you do that for?" he asked. "I'm allergic to chocolate!" she replied. Fun 11: "Exactly what's My Problem Doc?"
A doctor gives a man 3 bottles of pills. Doctor: Take the green pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Before bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water. Man: Jeez, exactly what's my problem? Doctor: Your not drinking enough water. Fun 10: "Bad News First!"
Patient: Doc,Give me the bad news first! Doc: You've got AIDS. Patient: Oh, no! What could be worse than that? Doc: You've also got Alzheimer's Disease. Patient: Oh... Well, that's not so bad. At least I don't have AIDS. Fun 9: "You Should Stay in Shape"
Trisha: You have to stay in shape. Meg: Yeah, maybe I could start walking 2 miles a day. Trisha: Good idea. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is. Fun 8: "My Dog Told Me"
Two women that are dog owners are arguing about which dog is smarter. Woman1: My dog is so smart, every morning he waits for the paper boy to come around and then he takes the newspaper and brings it to me. Woman2: I know. Woman1: How? Woman2: My dog told me. Fun 7: "Keyboard Error"
Tony turns on the computer without a keyboard plugged in. When she turns on the computer, the computer finds out that there is no keyboard attached and it gives a "Keyboard Error" message. He then asks "Why did it give me a keyboard error? There isn't even a keyboard attached? Fun 6: "A Thousand Dollars a Month!"
Two boys are playing in the park. John says: "I've always dreamed of earning a thousand dollars a month, just like my father." David answers: "Your father earns a thousand dollars a month?" John: "No that's also his dream!" Fun 5: "There's a hair in my burger!"
In a burger joint, a man notices hair in his burger. He yells, "There's a hair in my burger! I demand to see how it's done!" In the kitchen, he sees the cook flatten a meat patty under his armpit. "That's disgusting!" he says. The waitress replies, "You should him make donuts." Fun 4: "Oh Shit"
3 guys went to a hotel. 1 of them discovered a magic pool outside their room. They have to jump off the diving board, and yell out what they wanna land in. The 1st guy yells out "Bananas!". The 2nd guy yelled out "Money!" The 3rd guy jumps, when a bird shits on his head, and he yells "Oh Shit!" Fun 3: "Jesus is watching you!"
A burglar breaks into a house. He hears a voice: "Jesus is watching you". He sees a parrot and asks "Was that you?" It said "Yes". He asks "Whats your name?". "MOSES". The burglar says "Who names a bird Moses?" The parrot replies "The same person that names his rotweiler "JESUS". Fun 2: "Where Will I Met Her?"
A frog calls a psychic hotline and was informed he would meet a beautiful woman who will want to know everything about him. "WOW!" said the frog, eager to know where, when and thought perhaps he'd become a prince. "Where will I met her?" The psychic replied. "Next term, in her biology class." Fun 1: "Gorilla's Costume!"
Joe got a job 2 wear a gorilla's costume. On his 1st day, he starts jumping around and roaring in the cage, when he loses his balance, he lands in a lion's cage. He starts screaming. The lion races over to him and whispers "Shut up or we'll both lose our jobs." I Love Jokes
Laugh to the max!
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Tips - Any
Masarap na solusyon para sa mainit na panahon ang isang baso ng halo-halo na punong-puno ng sangkap. Mabibili mo ito sa halagang dalawampung piso."There is a thoroughfare in Manila City named Dump Street. But folks, don't treat this strip as a landfill dumpsite or something."
Rare Words and their Meaning
ERIC - Honorable RulerScandinavian in origin, ERIC means HONORABLE RULER. It was an uncommon name in England until the Middle Ages. It was only in the 19th century that it became a common name."
How will you describe the best way of carrying yourself in hip-hop? They call it FLOSSY. You are definitely stunning with your flashy attitude.
People
"Marilyn Manson's divorce has become final with sexy Ex Dita Von Teese. The buslesque dancer whose real name is Heather Sweet, filed for divorce last December, just 12 months after she wed Manson, citing irreconcilable differences." Tagalog Jokes
"JUAN: Doc, bakit pag gastos ko, sinisikmura ako sa alak, pero pag libre hindi naman?
DOC: Ahh manipis ang bituka mo, pero makapal ang mukha mo!"
DOC: Ahh manipis ang bituka mo, pero makapal ang mukha mo!"
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