Zutville News

I just discovered a site whereby you can make your own gnome and send it to a friend who then sends it on to another friend. The goal is to see how far the gnome can travel and you can even track his progress. You can send the same one to several friends but it is the frist friend who sends it on that gets the gnome moving on his way. That's the way I understand it. This works with Facebook and may work with private e-mails (not sure). For information and a request for me to send you a gnome ... contact me at moonfish@eastlink.ca

Dear Editor:

HOLD ON A MINUTE !!!

Who the hell is Brutus Barebutt anyway? I think you do an injustice to the Zutville News. His information is totally erroneous and he's UGLY too.

How dare he call me a scum bag and say that there are only 3 real contenders for the Golden Heart. There are 11 and everyone of them has been selected because they have a chance to win. Would I, Zut Moon, stoop so low as to string 8 of them along?

The only thing he got right is the Conversation with God. God spoke to me again last night and gave me some real answers to why the world is like it is. I will be sharing that with my readers soon. Oh, heck look, it's 10:43 AM ..tiime for a Canadian Beer!!!

Brutus Barebutt here, bringing you the latest gossip on the one everyone loves to hate.

I have it from a good source that Zut packed away 18 beer during the Paul McCartney concert. His wife refused to sleep with him after.

I've also heard that Zut has plenty of Squidoo plans on the horizon. He visited his Doctor last week and was told that he is definitely addicted to Squidoo. So much so in fact that he plans to become a Giant Squid. Heck, I thought at 515 lbs that he was a Giant Squid already. Anyway, one day when he wasn't home, I crawled through his kitchen window and crawled on my hands and knees to his office to find out what he was up to.

And here's the latest scoop:

He is planning quite a few new lenses. He has just made up quick drafts at the moment but I saw pages with the following headings:

Conversations with God
Strange but Wonderful Hobbies
More improvements to his lenses - Self-Destructive Behaviour and The Key to Happiness
Travel and Education - 2 Certs in One (??? - what the hell will that be about)
The Human Mind
How to handle Anger
The (Famous) Past Lives of Zut Moon (see, I told you he was nuts !!!)
To Tell The Truth (some kind of game based on a television game show)

He is now givng out 2 awards - The Golden Heart and another he calls the Tweety Bird Award. Neither of these come with any monetary consideration ... he's Cheap!!! Here's a real tip regarding the Golden Heart - there are 3 really strong contenders. Zut has about 10 listed but he knows he is picking from only 3 (the little scum bag ...). He is going to give out the Golden Heart before July 20th but the Tweety Bird Award won't be given out until late August because he won't be around much for a while.

I also went through his Daily Agenda Folder. Seems he is going on a World Tour to satisfy what he thinks are his thousands of fans (what a nut-case he is). Who the heck would want to visit places like Greenland, Iceland and Scotland for cripes sakes. Well, he does and he even bought a special long-lasting pen to sign all the autographs he thinks will be demanded of him. I suppose one can never accuse him of having low self-esteem.

That's my update for now. But before I go, let's NOT tell the people with the big butterfly nets where he is ..let's keep that as our little secret. Until next time ...have a Great Life!!!

The Golden Heart Award will be a very prestigous award given by Zut Moon to someone who has been more than kind to him. This award will not been given out lightly. So far, he is thinking of awarding it to 5 people at most. Will you be one of those 5 - will you be the first to recieve the award and all the benefits that derive from it (what benefits ...LMAO).

Stay tuned ..and remember ..be kind to Zut Moon, King of the Canucks.

Follow the Druken Skunk. Follow the Drunken Skunk,
Follow, follow, follow, follow,
Follow the Stupid Drunk Skunk
For he has the detrmination ... the mighty will
To confront the Wonderful Mayor of... Zutville

The Druken Skunk has on a Buzz
And wants to complain to the Moon
About all the wonderful things he does
.
But alas, the Mayor is out of town
Any Skunkypoo's smile turns to a frown
All the Citizens of Zutville are hungry
But full of glee
Because they are gonna BBQ the skunk
You see.

(This poem finished last in the Zutville Poem Contest)

Was it that Bad? Have your say in the module below.

Zutville Mayor Zut Moon is awaiting official word from Washington that President Obama will be sending $500 Million in aid to give Zutville a helping hand.

The President was clearly impressed by the Mayor's ambitious project of turning Zutville in the Twitter Capital of the World. Once he heard that this plan may take months to achieve, Obama was heard to say "Let's speed up that process".